World/THE EMPTIEST APOLOGY
Infantino's 'Oops' Worth $4.2 Billion, His Next Trick Is Pulling Answers Out Of His Ass
FIFA's grinning grifter says sorry for his secret sell-off scheme, offers no details, then tries to buy silence with more cash.
World.
Wars, heat, and everyone else’s fucking mess.
World/Judge Issues Fiscal Spanking
Milei's Austerity Circus Gets a Daily Judicial Punch in the Dick
Students occupy University of Buenos Aires hall as federal judge fines the government every day for ignoring laws to fund salaries and research, all while professors flee and protests turn violent.
World/Brexit Blowjob Bargain
France’s ‘Made in Europe’ Offer to UK: Bend Over and We’ll Give You a Sticker
After years of playing the obstructive cunt, Paris now says Britain can join the EU’s car-protection club - provided it adopts Brussels’ anti-China tariffs and becomes a policy puppet.
World/Incompetent Espionage
Hamburg Court Sentences Two Men for Iran‑Backed Plot Against Jewish Leaders
A German court handed down four‑and‑a‑half and eight‑and‑half year prison terms to a Danish‑Afghan and an Afghan conspirator convicted of espionage and attempted murder on Iran’s orders.
World/Strategic Wank Fantasy
Milei’s Chief Adviser Warns Britain Is Being ‘Colonised by Islam’ and Calls for Falklands Re‑take
Santiago Caputo, adviser to Argentine President Javier Milei, says the United Kingdom is being “colonised by Islam” after a Muslim MP was elected, and argues Argentina must reclaim the Falklands to stop an Islamic‑state interference.
World/One-Sided Truce Bullshit
Trump's 'Ceasefire' Was a Wet Fart, So Ukraine's Back to Burning Russian Gas Stations
Zelenskyy, tired of waiting for Trump's magical 'energy truce' while Russia kept bombing his civilians, said 'The block is out. We're done' and resumed hitting refineries. He also accused the US of deliberately fucking with Starlink and intel, and says he'll only stop again if they send Patriots.
World/SUCKER'S REFUND
German Gamblers Line Up to Get Their Pissed-Away Euros Back from Illegal Casino Clowns
A series of court decisions suggests that online casinos which operated without a German license might have to refund every single stupid bet placed by the country’s most optimistic idiots.
World/Secret Squirrel Shit
Nord Stream Saboteur's Defense: Can't Talk, Sworn to Secrecy, Also It Wasn't a Crime
In a Hamburg courtroom, the lawyer for a Ukrainian ex-commando accused of blowing up the pipelines argued the case should be tossed because his client can't discuss it and also because the whole thing was totally fine.
World/Military Transparency Gap
BBC Verify Finds 254 IDF Investigations Still Without Public Outcomes
The Israeli military says it is reviewing hundreds of incidents, but only a handful of results have ever been published.
World/Government‑Sponsored Gloating
South Australia’s Michelin stars: a state‑funded culinary circus
The Michelin Guide finally landed in Australia, but every star landed in South Australia after the state paid for incognito inspectors.
World/MOTORISED CIRCUS
BBC Films Police Failing to Catch Car Thieves in Real Time
With a 3% charge rate, the police need a camera crew to watch them not catch car thieves.
World/Regime Coup-Oprah
Iranian Hardliners Stage Another Idiot Purge As Real Money Vanishes Up IRGC's Ass
Hardliners demand Foreign Minister's head for a UN meeting, oil minister quits, and sanctions still choke exports while IRGC-linked factions hoard the cash outside state view.
World/Musk’s Speed‑Based Cut‑Off
Starlink Outage Hits Ukrainian Front‑Line Units as Russia Launches Ballistic Missiles
SpaceX‑managed terminals used by Ukraine’s fast‑moving troops lost connectivity on Tuesday evening, while civilian terminals stayed online.
World/Grift Dynasty Topples
The Rajapaksa Family Charity: Where Donations for Dying Kids Buy Houses and Other Crimes
From sick kids' cash buying a house to Airbus bribes and staged terror plots, the Rajapaksa clan treats Sri Lanka like a family-owned graft buffet. The new government is finally trying to clear the table.
World/Courtroom Shenanigans
Bryan Kohberger Hearings Canceled
Three upcoming hearings for convicted Idaho student-killer Bryan Kohberger were vacated on Oct. 14, 202 6, after his new attorney filed a motion to disqualify Judge Steven Hippler for alleged bias.
World/Sovereignty Shitshow
Milei's Legal Hand‑Grenade Toss Lands in Hamburg Tribunal
Argentina's president files a high‑stakes international lawsuit to halt a British‑Israeli oil project while also pursuing criminal charges against its executives.
World/SCAMMER SLAUGHTERHOUSE
The Feds Just Wiped 3.7 Million Scammer Accounts. The Pig Butchers Are Fucked.
The Justice Department's "Joint Disruption Week" raided scam compounds in Ghana and Nigeria, seized 303 devices in one Accra suburb, and vaporized millions of burner profiles. The romance-scam industry just had its worst week since AOL discs.
World/EXIT STRATEGY
Hungarian Parliament Scrambles to Unfuck Itself
Lawmakers reverse bigoted 'sealed package' law after EU court ruling, with €4.2 billion of frozen cash serving as the world's most expensive 'Oops, our bad' note.
World/COUP CLOWN CAR
Kabila Officially Merges His Ego With a Murderous Rebellion, Films the Paperwork
The ex-president has finally dropped the pretense, signing up to lead a coalition promising to end tyranny 'by all means, including force' from a rebel-held city.
World/Strategic Genius Speaks
Sacked General’s Victory Theory: We Won By Letting Russia Die Until It Got Bored
Sacked general uses BBC platform to claim his old strategy - letting Russians die in comical droves - has ‘broken’ their army.
World/Fantasy Diplomacy
Trump's 'Energy Ceasefire' Is a Bullshit Hallucination, Diesel Gift to Putin Leaves Ukraine Stunned
The orange fuckwit declared a truce Russia immediately bombed, then pissed on allies by unilaterally lifting sanctions on Russian diesel - a drop in the bucket that fuels the Kremlin's war machine.
World/Serious Shit
Saudi Prince Vows ‘Serious’ Response After Houthi Attacks on Riyadh Airports
Energy Minister promises an equally serious reaction as Houthi missiles and drones strike Saudi airports and oil facilities.
World/Fuck-You Diplomacy
Trump Declares War Over, Combatants Fail to Get Memo
President claims ‘agreement’ to stop hitting power grids, as Ukraine reports fresh strikes and Russia vows to keep fighting.
World/Diplomatic Dick-Slapping
Trump's 'Effective Immediately' Ceasefire Lasted About as Long as a Wank in a Cold Shower
Zelensky says Russia blew up six energy sites hours after the US president's grand announcement, proving Putin gives less of a shit about Trump's deals than a stray dog gives about a 'No Pissing' sign.