The facts
A Bulgarian court issued European arrest warrants for two 19-year-old German nationals suspected of sabotaging Starlink antennas near Sofia on October 9. The court stated there were reasonable grounds to suspect their involvement. Prosecutors allege the suspects entered from Serbia in a car with German license plates, claiming to be tourists. Of 18 antennas in a mountainous region south of Sofia, three were destroyed, two partially burned, and three damaged. Plamen Tonchev, head of Bulgaria's domestic intelligence agency DANS, believes it was deliberate sabotage and did not rule out future acts. This follows arrests in Germany last week of four individuals accused of sabotaging a Starlink station in Poland in late September. Polish officials, including Prime Minister Donald Tusk, believe Russia orchestrated the Polish incident as an act of "hybrid warfare," with the DANS agency claiming Russia cooperated with organized crime elements in Germany. Separately, Lithuania's prime minister stated Russia was likely behind an attempted arson attack on a company hosting communication hardware for Starlink satellites in the Baltic.
Our take
What the fuck kind of holiday is this? Two 19-year-old German cunts roll into Bulgaria from Serbia in a car with German plates, claim they're tourists, and then decide the must-see attraction is a field of Starlink antennas they can set on fire. That's not a fucking cultural exchange, that's international vandalism for the criminally stupid. Prosecutors say they managed to destroy three, partially burn two, and damage three more. Eighteen antennas in a mountainous region, and these dickheads went to town on nearly half of them. What was the itinerary? 'Day One: Visit Rila Monastery. Day Two: Commit felonious sabotage on critical infrastructure. Day Three: Get the fuck out before Interpol shows up.' Absolute masterminds. Plamen Tonchev, head of Bulgaria's domestic intelligence, called it deliberate sabotage and didn't rule out more. No shit, Sherlock. When the suspects are this braindead, you can rule in more of literally anything. This follows last week's arrests in Germany of four people accused of the same pathetic shit in Poland. Polish Prime Minister Donald Tusk says Russia orchestrated that one as 'hybrid warfare,' and Bulgaria's spooks say Russia was in bed with German organized crime for this. So the Kremlin's grand strategy now involves recruiting teenagers who think arson is a valid Schengen Area activity. Fucking brilliant. Lithuania's PM also says Russia was likely behind an attempted burn-down of a Starlink hardware host. It's like Putin outsourced his black ops to a gang of pyromaniac exchange students. The only 'hybrid' here is a cross between warfare and the most laughably incompetent crime spree in modern history. These clowns aren't agents; they're fucking arson tourists, and every warrant issued is another postcard from the land of 'you've got to be kidding me.' Pack your bags, lads. Your European arrest warrant is waiting, and it's not a fucking souvenir. It's a one-way ticket to being the dumbest pawns in a very stupid, very flammable game. Cheers, you absolute cunts. Enjoy your notoriety. It's the only thing you managed to accomplish without lighting it on fire first. Fuck off. End of story. End of your 'tour.' End of your goddamn minds. Fuck.
