Wars, heat, and everyone else’s fucking mess.
While panhandling for oil in Qatar, the French president pauses to sniffle that Donald Trump is spreading nasty, unverified rumors about France's migrant invasion.
Cybercrime agency says Khanewal man sold millions of fake postage labels, costing the U.S. Postal Service $126 million.
After a week of radio silence, the 'heads-up-you're-about-to-be-bombed' service is back, requiring a presidential announcement and delicate diplomacy.
After the Houthis started throwing rocks at the oil‑rich bully, Britain’s new government is dispatching its fanciest jets to do the one thing they’re apparently useless at: hitting back.
Flor ‘the Finger cutter’ Bressers blames the press for his 45-tonne cocaine trial, while partner Sérgio ‘the Brazilian Escobar’ Carvalho claims his evil twin did it, in a case featuring a water-treatment firm that was definitely, totally, for water.
Edi Rama, having fucked up so badly that students are chucking stones at his riot cops for a week straight, claims 'dark forces' are to blame and that negotiating would mean the state has 'fallen.'
Ukrainian leader accuses Defense Department of bureaucratic foot-dragging while Russian missiles light up the sky, as Trump bitches about a thank-you card.
In a move so pathetic it would make a used-car salesman blush, Myanmar's murderous military regime staged photos of a captive Aung San Suu Kyi receiving books from King Charles, hoping the world forgets the coup, torture, and slaughter.
Mitchell Fairbarn, convicted of animal cruelty after stealing a bird while shitfaced, now faces a future shorter than the time it took the jury to reject his 'harmless prank' defense.
Bulgaria issues arrest warrants for 19-year-old 'tourists' who allegedly torched SpaceX gear, as Europe's dumbest arson spree continues to smell like Putin's cheap vodka.
New PM Péter Magyar's government has started tearing down the old cunt's media control apparatus, but some reporters note the fresh bullshit still smells like government secrets.
The kingdom's premier grifter jamboree is postponed until 2027 because the Houthis keep blowing shit up, forcing Riyadh's finest to work in their pajamas.
In a stunning display of geopolitical performance art, the U.S. and Cuba spent a day yelling at each other about a vote that never changes anything.
Overnight curfews now cover parts of Paris and several other French cities after weekend riots left more than 2,500 arrested and about 1,000 officers injured.
Police declare curfew from 11 p.m. to 6 a.m. for two tiny districts, banning gatherings from 8 p.m., after a weekend where the city was on fire. The Prime Minister says it's 'very limited,' which is also a perfect description of their fucking imagination.
Adviser Serhii Beskrestnov tells the BBC Ukrainians are dying because American warnings are late and incomplete; the White House and Marco Rubio blame a software glitch and deny any pause.
President condemns intelligence failures that led to nearly 2,400 arrests and refuses to accept his minister’s resignation.
Abiy Ahmed shits out another 'interim administration' for Tigray, promising stability in six months while the region teeters on the brink.
Despite pledging nearly a trillion dollars in investments to suck up to the former president, Mohammed bin Salman finds his kingdom getting pummeled by Houthi rebels while his favorite dickhead dodges his calls for airstrikes.
Human Rights Watch report catches army and Wagner 2.0 treating a market and a health clinic like high-score targets while jihadist goons offer the 'Whoopsie-Daisy' defense for torturing nineteen guys to death.
After a weekend where the country got looted like a fucking Circuit City closing sale, the President's big solution was to furrow his brow and promise a stern talking-to.
Seventeen Americans spent four days metal-detecting a sandspit after satellite photos of a white streak turned out to be logs coated in carbonate slime, not Lockheed aluminum, while bad weather ate the rest of the budget.
President feels feelings, blames 'far-left criminals,' and floats banning protests as his only plan, while Trump masturbates to the footage.
The council, chaired by President Abdel‑Fattah el‑Sissi, pledged “all possible forms of support” but gave no details on what that might look like.
