World/Burning Shame
Macron Calls for 'Calm and Order' as France Grapples with Riots
President urges restraint and says local prefects and mayors will draft measures to protect shops and civic buildings.
World.
Wars, heat, and everyone else’s fucking mess.
World/Cop-Shop Cringe
Sydney Police Handled Peaceful Protest With The Tactical Grace of a Drunk Bouncer at A Vegan Bake Sale
The Law Enforcement Conduct Commission's inquiry finds police punched worshippers, sprayed bystanders, and then bragged about it while protesters mostly just wanted to march.
World/Pathetic Sea Cunts
China's Maritime Tantrum Gets 16 Vessels Bounced By Taiwan's Coast Guard
Beijing's so‑called ‘hybrid warfare’ sees a mixed fleet of coastguard, research and fishing vessels forced out of Taiwanese waters.
World/HUNGER AS A FINE
Israel's Voluntary Fund Drive Collects Payment in Starvation
For a fifth day, officials choke off Gaza's food supply over a dispute about a voluntary fee, sending egg and flour prices soaring as families skip meals. The local media office calls it a pretext to tighten the siege.
World/Diplomatic Dickheadery
Journalist Gets Her Spine Cracked by Settler Goons, Netanyahu Calls It 'Alleged'
Washington Post photographer Heidi Levine was assaulted by Jewish settlers while covering the olive harvest, suffering broken vertebrae. She says she's insulted by the Prime Minister's dismissive language.
World/Vicarious-Voyeur Cunt
Isolated After Maternity Leave, Cop Treats Police Database Like Her Personal Trauma Porn Hub
PC Shannon Parsons fired for accessing sensitive crime records over 2,000 times, claiming she needed to 'stay informed,' as panel finds zero legitimate policing purpose for her five-year digital wank.
World/Balkan Brawl
Albanian Students' Tuition Tantrum Turns Into Full-Scale Dickhead Duel
For the sixth straight day, the capital city of Tirana has been turned into a playground for the profoundly pissed-off, as students and riot cops trade blows over the high cost of learning how to throw a brick.
World/My Country Will Go On
Macron's Pre-Riot Celine Dion Night Out Proves He's a Tone-Deaf Cunt
As France braced for violent nationwide protests over inequality, President Emmanuel Macron's idea of crisis prep was a cozy date night at a Celine Dion concert, because leadership is all about feeling the power of love while city halls burn.
World/Diplomatic Dickheadery
Trump, Who Says He’s Out of Politics, Endorses Netanyahu Two Weeks Before Israeli Vote
The former president broke months of public silence to back Israel’s prime minister, then warned the U.S. might have to act if Netanyahu loses.
World/FACULTY LOUNGE COLD WAR
The FBI's Counterintelligence Plan Is to Hope a Professor Gets Over Their Fear of Being a Dick
A new GAO report reveals the Bureau's strategy to stop Chinese spies hinges on academic snitches, but the FBI killed its own campus-outreach program, and universities think agents are clueless pricks who don't understand how research works.
World/Wellness War Crimes
Castor-Oil Con Artist Prescribes Eyeball Molotov Cocktails For Cash
Banned Australian fraud Barbara O'Neill, charging £1,300 a head, told a UK retreat to avoid doctors, put cayenne pepper in eyes for glaucoma, and treat tumours with oily rags.
World/Drone Dick-Punching
Ukraine Fires a Thousand Flying Fucks at Putin's Petrol Pumps
In a sky-filling 'fuck you' of drones, Kyiv torches a St. Petersburg oil terminal, kills one, wounds five, and proves the Kremlin's 'nothing to see here' line is pure bullshit.
World/Genocide for Gadgets
Trump's Dickhead Diplomats Beg Burmese Butchers for Battery Minerals
In a staggering reversal, the US abandons years of human rights condemnation to grovel before Myanmar's murderous junta, sending officials and Trump cronies to secure rare earths, proving principles are just another commodity to be strip‑mined.
World/SQUID PRO QUO
Javier Milei's Pathetic Poll-Slump Pissing Contest with 4,000 People Who Have Jobs
Argentina's failing president, too chickenshit for a real war, declares economic war on Falklands oil and fish because his own country is a fucking mess.
World/The Dipshit Duo Returns
UAE and Saudi Arabia Decide to Double Down on the Yemen War Strategy That Hasn't Worked for a Decade
After a brief, pathetic attempt to pretend they were done losing, the UAE will start paying its pet mercenaries again and Saudi Arabia will provide the same useless air cover, proving these two dickheads have learned absolutely nothing.
World/Strategic Arson Fuckwits
France's 'Protest' Now a Hand-Severing, Hall-Burning Shit-Circus
550,000 people marched for schools and bread. Then a few hundred hooded cunts decided the real problem was that the town hall in Limoges still had a roof, the Lyon tourist office was still standing, and a young man in Saint-Étienne still had both his fucking hands.
World/The Smear of the Fist
Diplomats Get the Standard West Bank Tour: A Boot to the Diplomatic Passport
Masked settlers kick and beat a delegation of European envoys, including a French mayor and a Belgian consul general, who were observing the olive harvest. Israel's PM office suggests it might all be a smear campaign, because nothing says 'false flag' like a diplomat's black eye.
World/Limited-Use Listening
Edi Rama’s Cops Graduate from Beating Students to Shooting Them
After five days of gassing and clubbing kids who can’t afford school, Albanian police introduced rubber bullets. The prime minister responded by touring broken windows and promising to 'listen.'
World/Power Outage
The People’s Receipt: 3,000 Tunisians Present Kais Saied With His Bill
The largest protest in years marched down Habib Bourguiba Avenue to itemize every fucking thing the president has broken since he seized power: the lights, the water, the medicine, and the freedom.
World/Strategic Cuntiness
Putin's Winter Dickhead Plan: Freeze Civilians, Get a Trump Handjob
Russia's latest war strategy is to bomb the heat out of Ukrainian homes before the snow falls, while the U.S. President gives the Kremlin's energy wallet a sensual massage and calls it diplomacy.
World/Defensive Dick‑Measuring
Sisi Calls for Emergency Parliamentary Vote on Saudi Defence Aid
President Abdel Fattah el‑Sisi asks Egypt’s parliament to authorise any defence assistance Saudi Arabia might request, linking the kingdom’s security to Egypt’s own interests.
World/Flamingo Fuckwittery
Edi Rama's flamingo flop: Albanian students torch his political zoo over €540-a-month clown show
Tirana's lecture halls are empty as students boycott classes and burn shit down, demanding the prime minister's head over unaffordable housing, broken universities, and a Kushner-linked coastal fuck-up. The prick blames 'foreign hands'.
World/Clown Show Governance
Iraqi Parliament Puts the 'Terror' in 'Terrible Decision-Making'
Lawmakers rubber-stamp a government featuring a US-sanctioned terrorist group figure as deputy PM, because apparently 'fuck international law' is now a key plank of their legislative agenda.
World/MISSILE MALPRACTICE
Houthi Spokesman's Aim as Good as His Bullshit
Five dead, 16 injured after rebels target government palace but claim they hit a Saudi military HQ, offering world's most pathetic game of 'I meant to do that'.