The facts
European Union leaders are expected to ask the United Kingdom to increase its financial contributions towards Ukraine's defence and civilian needs in 2027 during a summit with British Prime Minister Andy Burnham on November 20 in Brussels. Ukraine has stated it faces a €70 billion funding shortfall for that year. According to the European Commission, the EU and its member states currently cover 80% of Ukraine's financial requirements, with the Commission considering a two-thirds EU share to be equitable. The UK government reports a commitment of £25 billion to Ukraine, including £16 billion in military aid. The Kiel Institute's Ukraine Support Tracker ranks the UK fourth among donors, but when measured against national income, UK support is recorded at 0.86%, compared to 1.1% for France and 1.5% for Germany. The summit agenda also includes potential agreements on food and animal health, linking emissions trading schemes, and youth mobility.
Our take
The EU is about to corner Britain’s new Prime Minister Andy Burnham in a Brussels conference room and demand he stop being such a stingy prick about funding Ukraine. It turns out the UK’s much-hyped ‘global Britain’ generosity is, in the cold light of spreadsheets, a bit of a fucking con. The country is ranked fourth overall, which sounds impressive until you realize that’s just because they’ve been shouting the loudest. When you measure the cash against the size of their economy, the UK’s contribution is a pathetic 0.86%, putting them behind France and getting utterly smoked by Germany. That’s not leadership, that’s being a cheap bastard who brings a six-pack to a wedding and drinks all the champagne. ‘Global Britain’ my arse. More like ‘Frugal Little England’. They’ve committed £25 billion, with a big chunk of that being military kit, which is basically just clearing out the old shit from the back of the warehouse. Now the EU, which is already covering 80% of the fucking bill, has to politely ask the bloke who left the club to please chip in a bit more for the common good he once pretended to believe in. The summit agenda also includes thrilling topics like ‘linking emissions trading schemes’ and ‘animal health’, which is the bureaucratic equivalent of hiding the ask for more money in a stack of paperwork about pig semen. They’re going to try to bore Burnham into submission while telling him his country’s contribution is, relative to its wealth, smaller than that of the nation that invented the croissant. What a legacy for Brexit: not taking back control, but being summoned to the headmaster’s office to explain why you’re the group project’s lazy cunt. They’ll probably try to fob the EU off with a new youth mobility scheme instead of cash. Brilliant. Send some gap-year students with good vibes to stop Russian artillery. Absolute genius statecraft from the island of clowns. Andy, mate, just open the fucking cheque book and stop embarrassing yourself. Everyone can see you’re skint, but pretending you’re a big player while coughing up spare change is just sad. Pay up or shut up, you grifting dickhead. The tanks aren’t going to fund themselves from the savings on EU membership fees, are they?
