The facts
Western Australia’s Environmental Protection Authority (EPA) has raised concerns that Woodside Energy’s proposed Browse gasfield development could significantly damage coral reefs and that reducing the risk of an oil spill to an acceptable level may be impossible. A draft letter from the EPA, written in 2023 and seen by The Guardian, criticized Woodside’s plans to protect endangered turtles and blue whales near Scott Reef, deeming them ineffective. EPA staff advised the authority’s board that there was a threat of serious or irreversible harm to turtles and whales, and more generally due to oil spills, suggesting the precautionary principle should be invoked. Woodside has since proposed adding explosive-driven shear rams to its drilling plans to seal a leaking well in seconds, a measure that could reduce the potential duration of a well blowout to about 12 hours. However, the EPA was advised in 2023 that if a well leaked for 13 days, there could be irreversible consequences to Scott Reef. The draft letter also indicated that a proposal to top up Sandy Islet, critical for green turtle survival, was a high-risk measure with likely limited success. Woodside stated it would address this by ensuring no wells are drilled within 20km of Sandy Islet and by restricting gas flaring.
Our take
Holy shit, what a pack of greedy, planet-fucking bastards. Woodside Energy, in its infinite corporate wisdom, has drawn up a plan to drill for gas in a place so pristine and fragile that the actual environmental cops are basically writing them a letter that says, 'Are you out of your fucking minds?' The EPA’s draft assessment reads like a horror movie script for turtles and whales, pointing out that Woodside’s so-called 'protective measures' are about as effective as a paper condom in a hurricane. They want to 'top up' a sandy islet that’s critical for endangered green turtles - a move the experts call a 'high-risk measure with likely limited success.' Translation: They’re planning to play God with a bulldozer and some sand, hoping the turtles won’t notice their nursery got turned into a construction site. What a bunch of arrogant pricks.
And let’s talk about their brilliant plan for avoiding an oil spill that could wipe out an 'exceptional' coral reef forever. The EPA was advised that if a well leaks for just 13 days, it’s game over for Scott Reef. Woodside’s big-brained response? Slap on some explosive-driven shear rams to maybe, possibly, seal a blowout in seconds and limit the disaster to a mere 12 hours. Wow, problem solved! It’s like promising to install a slightly better bucket under a bursting dam. The sheer, breathtaking vanity of these cunts, thinking they can engineer their way out of an irreversible ecological catastrophe with a last-minute explosive gadget. They’re treating one of the planet’s most sensitive marine ecosystems like a fucking high-stakes game of Operation, where if they slip, they just get a buzzer and not a dead whale.
The whole proposal is a monument to corporate bullshit. They’ll 'address' the turtle-killing islet issue by not drilling within 20 kilometers of it and by 'restricting gas flaring.' Oh, how generous! 'We won’t directly bomb your house, we’ll just set fire to the neighborhood and promise to sometimes turn down the flamethrower.' It’s a pathetic, transparent attempt to greenwash a project that the watchdog says might make preventing a devastating spill literally impossible. These dickheads are gambling with an entire reef system, endangered species, and a global climate crisis for a few more tons of fossil fuel. They’re not energy pioneers; they’re ecological arsonists with a boardroom and a PR department, lighting a fuse and hoping the explosion happens on someone else’s watch. Absolute cunts.
