Politics/OBJECTIFYING THE ELECTORATE
Trump’s New Campaign Strategy: Fuck Policy, Just Be Hot
The former president is now evaluating GOP candidates like he’s judging a strip club’s amateur night, with detailed assessments of their asses and jawlines.
Older stories.
Still true, still filthy. Page 8 of the back catalog, newest first.
Politics/Fuckin' Waffle House
Alberta Separatists Promise to Keep Whining After Nobody Actually Gets to Decide Shit
Movement leader declares victory for simply being annoying, as vote on whether to maybe someday consider a referendum looms.
World/SQUID PRO QUO
Javier Milei's Pathetic Poll-Slump Pissing Contest with 4,000 People Who Have Jobs
Argentina's failing president, too chickenshit for a real war, declares economic war on Falklands oil and fish because his own country is a fucking mess.
Politics/Ignorant Prick Theater
JD Vance's Town Hall: The Vice President Learns About a War He's In From a Widower
Confronted by a Gold Star spouse about a deadly drone strike, Vance admitted he'd never heard of it, then immediately blamed gas prices and called his own past bullshit 'imperfect' in a performance of staggering, cowardly ignorance.
World/The Dipshit Duo Returns
UAE and Saudi Arabia Decide to Double Down on the Yemen War Strategy That Hasn't Worked for a Decade
After a brief, pathetic attempt to pretend they were done losing, the UAE will start paying its pet mercenaries again and Saudi Arabia will provide the same useless air cover, proving these two dickheads have learned absolutely nothing.
Business/ANNUAL SPYWARE CHECKUP
Temu Just Got Fucking Schooled by Texas for Being a Data-Hoarding, Lead-Slinging Piece of Shit
The bargain-bin app signed a court order forcing it to prove, every single year, that it's not Chinese spyware, to keep Texans' data out of Beijing's hands, and to stop selling poison merch. It denies all wrongdoing, obviously, while agreeing to all the punishments.
Politics/Arid Asshole Alliance
Arizona Joins Nevada's Desperate Suit to Save Its Water from Trump's Proposed Cuts
As the Colorado River shrivels, Arizona has signed on to Nevada's legal battle against the federal plan to slash their water allocations, arguing the feds are letting the upstream states off the hook while threatening 'draconian cuts' to the lower basin.
Politics/Grifter's Greatest Hits
Trump's Midterm Meltdown Tour: A Symphony of Lies, Whines, and Imaginary Firing Squads
The former president’s midterm stump speeches are a masterclass in racist fantasy, wannabe-tyrant tantrums, and election-fraud fan fiction.
Politics/Grandpa's Ghoulish Résumé
Peggy Flanagan's Grandfather's Dark Past Becomes GOP Talking Point
Alpha News unearthed the psychiatric record of Flanagan's late grandfather, a man who escaped hospitals and was once suspected in killings, turning it into a centerpiece of a desperate midterm attack.
Politics/Map‑Making Dickhead
Trump's Kentucky Rally Was a Geographically Illiterate Shit Show
The former president told a crowd he renamed the Gulf of Mexico and Lake Ontario, promised a trillion‑dollar bribe that would need Congress he says will be dissolved, and told Google to kiss his ass, proving his brain is a petting zoo for insane ideas.
Business/CASH-OUT COUP
Cloudflare's Founders Tried to Pull the Ultimate Grift: Sell $1.8 Billion in Stock and Keep Their Dictator Votes
Matthew Prince and Michelle Zatlyn cashed out a fortune, then cooked up a scheme to keep voting like they still owned the company. A Delaware judge just called their bullshit, citing their 'credibility problems' and blocking the deal.
Politics/Corpse Chasing Clowns
ICE Agent Rips Through Houston, Hits Wrong Guy While Hunting a Ghost
Federal officer smashes SUV into construction worker Miguel Parra Hernandez, allegedly chasing a suspect who's been dead for years, as surveillance video demolishes the agency's claim the victim stepped into the path.
World/Strategic Arson Fuckwits
France's 'Protest' Now a Hand-Severing, Hall-Burning Shit-Circus
550,000 people marched for schools and bread. Then a few hundred hooded cunts decided the real problem was that the town hall in Limoges still had a roof, the Lyon tourist office was still standing, and a young man in Saint-Étienne still had both his fucking hands.
Politics/Federal Dickheadery
Ilhan Omar's Lawyers Say Feds' Home Raid Was a Political Dick Move
Attorneys for the Minnesota congresswoman are demanding the DOJ return her seized shit, calling the search a blatantly unlawful attack timed to fuck with her reelection.
Politics/Algorithmic Coup Attempt
Meta’s “Technical Disruption” Is Just the Algorithm Showing Its Dick
Brazil’s electoral court had to order the fucking Zuckerverse to stop blatantly tilting its platforms for Bolsonaro, after Lula’s campaign exposed how AI image blocks and channel recommendations kept magically fucking the left. Meta’s excuse? A “combination of generic first names and election numbers.” Sure, you useless pricks.
Business/OUTSOURCED TO THE FEDS
Bank of America Decided Catching Criminals Was the Cops' Job, Then Wrote a $1.21 Billion Check to the Feds
America's second‑largest bank admitted it willfully broke the law, failed to report over $5 billion in suspicious activity, and ran a compliance program so useless its own “expert” was a clueless asshole. The record fine is just the cost of doing business when you treat crime‑fighting as an optional extra.
Sports/Tears on the Track
Fucking Greyhound Ghouls Throw a Pity Party as Their Slaughterhouse Gets Condemned
Sydney's Wentworth Park, a 94-year-old monument to betting on terrified dogs, hosted its last race before demolition, and the industry's top vultures showed up to weep over their evaporating real estate.
World/The Smear of the Fist
Diplomats Get the Standard West Bank Tour: A Boot to the Diplomatic Passport
Masked settlers kick and beat a delegation of European envoys, including a French mayor and a Belgian consul general, who were observing the olive harvest. Israel's PM office suggests it might all be a smear campaign, because nothing says 'false flag' like a diplomat's black eye.
World/Limited-Use Listening
Edi Rama’s Cops Graduate from Beating Students to Shooting Them
After five days of gassing and clubbing kids who can’t afford school, Albanian police introduced rubber bullets. The prime minister responded by touring broken windows and promising to 'listen.'
Tech/Hospital‑Grade Bullshit
Palantir's £330m NHS Data Platform Is a Useless, Redundant Pile of Shit
Freedom of information requests expose that 16 NHS trusts have told the controversial US company to fuck off, with one calling its system 'retrograde' and others finding it offers fuck‑all over their old spreadsheets.
Sports/Fiscal Fuckwittery
Newcastle's £50 Million Dickhead Tax Comes Due as Villa's Teen Toy Heads One Home
In a match that served as a live audit of two clubs' financial acumen, the one player Newcastle were too cheap to buy scored the goal they were too shit to stop, all while the Premier League's head bean-counter watched them piss away another three points.
Politics/JUDGE RECUSAL DRAMA
Associate Attorney General Seeks Judge Reyes’ Recusal and Release of Hearing Audio
Stanley E. Woodward, Jr. filed a 13‑page motion asking a federal judge to disqualify herself and to make public the audio of an October 12 hearing over a tree‑maintenance dispute at East Potomac Park.
Sports/Apology Tour of Grief
Titans CEO Apologizes For Failing To Field A Team That Resembles A Football Product
Burke Nihill tells fans 'we're sorry' after an 0-5 start, a league-worst offense, and a seven-game losing streak, but insists he still believes in the architects of this shit show.
Business/River of Shit
Thames Water’s Sewer System Shits the Bed, Makes London Bike Shop Smell Like a Cesspit
For months, the owners of Bicycle Nation have begged the utility giant to fix a stench so vile it makes mechanics puke and customers flee.
World/Power Outage
The People’s Receipt: 3,000 Tunisians Present Kais Saied With His Bill
The largest protest in years marched down Habib Bourguiba Avenue to itemize every fucking thing the president has broken since he seized power: the lights, the water, the medicine, and the freedom.
Sports/BOTTOM OF THE BARREL
Fulham Finally Win a Fucking Game, Celebrations Promptly Canceled After Everyone Remembers It's Only Hull
Alex Iwobi's shot that somehow squirmed under a goalkeeper's entire body is enough to lift Fulham off the bottom of the table in a match so dire it made Álvaro Arbeloa's 'expansive style' look like a fucking euphemism for 'still shit, but now with more pointless possession'.
World/Strategic Cuntiness
Putin's Winter Dickhead Plan: Freeze Civilians, Get a Trump Handjob
Russia's latest war strategy is to bomb the heat out of Ukrainian homes before the snow falls, while the U.S. President gives the Kremlin's energy wallet a sensual massage and calls it diplomacy.
Politics/Prison Recruitment Paradox
Arizona AG’s Office Sought Recruiting Help From ACLU and Prison Law Office
Emails show the state’s top law‑enforcement office asked the ACLU and Prison Law Office for attorney recommendations for corrections work, raising conflict‑of‑interest concerns.
Politics/Plutocrats in Prada
Obama Foundation's 'Nonprofit' Payroll Looks More Like a Private Equity Firm's Christmas Party
Half the staff makes six figures, CEO pockets three-quarters of a million, and the rank-and-file are so pissed they're unionizing while the billion-dollar vanity project's budget triples. Fucking class warfare in a tax-exempt wrapper.
Tech/Remote-Controlled Creeps
Robotic Asshole Programmed by Actual Assholes Goes Hands-On
German cops seized a humanoid machine after it allegedly copped a feel on a teenager, a crime so cowardly it required two remote-control dickheads and a livestream to accomplish.