The facts
On October 17, 2026 the Associated Press reported that Donald Trump held a rally at Truist Arena in Highland Heights, Kentucky to back Republican candidates, including Ed Gallrein. Trump said he had “renamed” the Gulf of Mexico the Gulf of America and called Lake Ontario “Lake America,” presenting those statements as his own claims. He also told the crowd that Google now “kiss my ass.” Trump urged voters to imagine he was on the ballot, warned that a Democratic win would cause a depression and the dissolution of the Senate and Supreme Court, and revived a promise to give $5,000 to every adult if Republicans controlled both chambers. The AP noted that such a proposal would likely exceed $1 trillion and would require congressional approval. The report also mentioned voter frustration over rising prices tied to tariffs and the Iran war, and a mixed reaction when Trump criticized Rep. Thomas Massie while praising Massie’s primary challenger, Gallrein.
Our take
Donald Trump, the world’s most expensive and least effective cartographer, stood in Kentucky and announced he had performed a fucking miracle. With the wave of a hand, the Gulf of Mexico became the “Gulf of America” and Lake Ontario became “Lake America.” No treaties, no international agreements, no actual changes to any map, atlas, or GPS system – just a senile old prick declaring it so because he said so. This is the same level of governance as a toddler pointing at a dog and calling it a horse. It’s pathetic, but it’s the exact brand of pathetic his base laps up like dogs drinking from a toilet. Then this absolute cunt decided to tackle the complex world of search engine relations by telling Google to “kiss my ass.” That’s it. That’s the foreign policy. That’s the tech platform engagement strategy. He also revived his promise of $5,000 for every adult if Republicans win both chambers, a proposal the AP calculated would cost over a trillion dollars and would need congressional approval – the very institution he warned would be dissolved if Democrats win. The logic is a Möbius strip of stupidity: a trillion‑dollar bribe that depends on a government he claims will be erased. The crowd’s mixed reaction when he ripped into Rep. Thomas Massie while praising Massie’s primary challenger showed how his rallies create their own civil war. The whole spectacle was a symphony of vanity performed by a conductor who thinks the ocean’s name is a matter of personal whim, a trillion dollars is a rounding error, and the appropriate response to a multinational tech company is a juvenile insult. It isn’t a political rally; it’s a public demonstration of a brain that has fully liquified and is now leaking out his ears.
