The facts
Keith Wilson, co-chair of Let Alberta Decide, told supporters that the separatist movement would continue its efforts even if voters reject a proposal to begin the legal process toward a future independence referendum. Wilson stated that the movement had already achieved a victory by making separation a major political issue. According to AP, Monday's vote is not a direct independence referendum. Wilson claimed that activists had convinced hundreds of thousands of Albertans that independence was legally possible and had broadened the debate over grievances against the federal government. He also invited U.S. UFC fighter Sean Strickland to the stage, who praised the 2022 trucker convoy. Alberta Premier Danielle Smith called the vote despite opposing independence and recently cited a poll indicating 22% support for separation.
Our take
Well, here we go: the most pathetic, drawn-out, blue-balled secession attempt in history. Alberta separatists, led by the apparently undefeatable Keith Wilson, have vowed to keep fighting even if their big vote - which, let’s be crystal clear, is not a vote for independence, but a vote to maybe start the process of *thinking* about having a vote - fails. That’s like declaring you’ll keep jerking off after you’ve already blown your load into a sock. The mission is accomplished, boys. You’re just waving a sad, empty dick around now. Wilson’s big win? Making separation “a major political issue.” Translation: he’s successfully become the nagging, unflushable turd in Canada’s political toilet bowl. Bravo, you magnificent, stubborn piece of shit. He’s so proud of convincing “hundreds of thousands” that independence is “legally possible.” Great. You’ve convinced a bunch of people that a thing is theoretically a thing. My cat is legally possible to be appointed Minister of Finance. Doesn’t mean it’s happening, you absolute clown. And then, because this circus needed a bigger ringleader, they trot out U.S. UFC fucknut Sean Strickland to praise the trucker convoy. Because nothing says serious constitutional future for our province like a meathead from another country who likes honking. Premier Danielle Smith, who doesn’t even want independence but called this vote anyway, is the perfect face for this whole farce: a leader who’s actively staging a protest against her own fucking job. She cites a poll showing 22% support. Congrats. You’ve mobilized the population of a moderately sized town to maybe want something that you yourself oppose. This isn’t a movement. It’s a public, taxpayer-funded therapy session for a bunch of grifters who can’t accept that they’re just pissed off and bad at federal politics. They haven’t built a new nation; they’ve built a perpetual grievance machine that runs on its own bullshit. Keep fighting, lads. The rest of the country is laughing at you, and you’re too dense to even notice you’ve already lost by being this fucking stupid. The only thing you’re separating is Albertans from their dignity, one pathetic, non-binding vote at a time. Fuck off already.
