Business/Gridlock Greedheads
National Grid Pays £50 Million a Day to Shut Wind Farms
Britain’s grid operator shelled out £47.9 million in a single day to turn off wind farms and fire up gas plants because the wires can’t move the power.
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World/Brexit Blowjob Bargain
France’s ‘Made in Europe’ Offer to UK: Bend Over and We’ll Give You a Sticker
After years of playing the obstructive cunt, Paris now says Britain can join the EU’s car-protection club - provided it adopts Brussels’ anti-China tariffs and becomes a policy puppet.
Business/A Nation of Ghosts
FTC Sues Ticket Vampires For Running A Billion-Dollar Bot Army That Drained Concerts Dry
The Federal Trade Commission says REPS & Company spent $1.3 billion, hoarded 18.5 million tickets, and made $120 million in profit by running a massive bot army to fuck over fans.
Politics/Discount Depravity
Jeffrey Donaldson's 15-Year Sentence Is a 50%-Off Fire Sale on Stolen Childhoods
Jeffrey Donaldson, former DUP leader, sentenced to 15 years for 18 child sex offenses including rape, gets 50% remission reducing prison time.
Sports/Stable Geniuses
Roy Keane Calls Manchester United a Circus After Martinez Comments
The former captain brands United as “like a circus” after defender Lisandro Martinez criticised the club’s hierarchy following a Champions League loss.
Business/BLOCK BUTTON BANDITS
Sextortion Relief Scam Extracted $60 Million While Mostly Just Blocking Attackers
The FTC says Digital Forensics Corp. and its CEO Dmitry Belkin defrauded sextortion victims of at least $60 million with false promises, then largely just blocked the attackers on social media and bought fake five‑star reviews from Uber drivers who never used the service.
Politics/TERRIBLE DRESS CODE
St. Paul's City Council Decides the Real Danger to ICE Agents Is Not Doxxing, But Their Own Goddamn Ski Masks
Council members celebrated laws forcing federal agents to wear name tags and show their faces, citing 'simple' logic. The Justice Department sued the mayor, city attorney, and police chief, pointing out the 39 local doxxing cases, the facial-recognition apps hunting agents' kids, and the fact that four other courts already told them to go fuck themselves.
Politics/Phones, Subpoenas, and Bullshit
Feds Snatch Ilhan Omar's Phone, Subpoena the Whole Damn Family Tree in Immigration Paperwork Probe
FBI agents raided the congresswoman's D.C. home and grabbed her phone weeks before the midterms, while a grand jury issues subpoenas to relatives over potential fraud in her immigration filings - because nothing says 'clean paperwork' like a federal search and a dozen legal summonses.
Sports/Court Jester
The Man Who Couldn't Fix a Game of Checkers Gets 24 Years for Fixing Tennis
Stefan “The Ghost” Milicevic, a Serbian tennis player whose career peaked at a world ranking lower than the temperature in his fridge, has been banned until 2050 for fixing matches he was already losing anyway.
Politics/Glitch in the System
Texas Election Officials Screw Up Voter Registrations in Massive Glitch
A massive Texas computer glitch left almost 600,000 voter registrations stuck in limbo, sparking a lawsuit and raising fresh concerns about voter suppression ahead of the 2026 election.
Business/DILUTED FUCKING NOTHING
FDA to Genital Herpes Snake‑Oil Peddlers: Your ‘Homeopathic’ Bullshit Is Still Illegal
Aidance Scientific's 'Terragen HG Formula' promised FAST RELIEF for herpes sores via a ‘Shop by Condition’ funnel. The FDA’s warning letter says the cream is an unapproved drug and a serious public health concern, and that labeling it ‘homeopathic’ doesn’t magically turn water into medicine.
Sports/Apology Not Accepted
Infantino's 'Oops, My Bad' Video Apology Rejected As Own Deputy Declares Him Unfit To Lead
FIFA president Gianni Infantino issued a cowardly pre-recorded apology for his secret World Cup rights sell-off scheme, only to be told by his vice-president he must release all documents and answer key questions or he's a fucking useless cunt.
Politics/Bipartisan Bullshit Detector
DOJ's Legal Logic So Fucked It Unites Gorsuch and Sotomayor in Mockery
In a joint statement, Justices Gorsuch and Sotomayor eviscerate the government's 'constitutional absurdity' of prosecuting a man for staying put after a court ordered him not to leave, proving even Supreme Court enemies can bond over federal stupidity.
Science/Cosmic Welfare
NASA Doles Out Space Crumbs in Pathetic $12 Million 'Initiative'
The agency's M-STAR program slings a measly million bucks each to 12 universities to tackle shit like 'rover-carried deployables' and 'regolith properties,' proving NASA's grand Artemis vision is now a fucking grant-writing workshop.
World/Incompetent Espionage
Hamburg Court Sentences Two Men for Iran‑Backed Plot Against Jewish Leaders
A German court handed down four‑and‑a‑half and eight‑and‑half year prison terms to a Danish‑Afghan and an Afghan conspirator convicted of espionage and attempted murder on Iran’s orders.
Business/HONESTY SYSTEM REBOOT
DOT Grants Airlines Four-Month Extension on Rule Forcing Them to Admit Their Own Fuck-Ups
The lobby group Airlines for America said it needed 'necessary additional time' to update systems so it could start honestly reporting delays. The Department of Transportation, claiming it was caught off guard, agreed.
World/Strategic Wank Fantasy
Milei’s Chief Adviser Warns Britain Is Being ‘Colonised by Islam’ and Calls for Falklands Re‑take
Santiago Caputo, adviser to Argentine President Javier Milei, says the United Kingdom is being “colonised by Islam” after a Muslim MP was elected, and argues Argentina must reclaim the Falklands to stop an Islamic‑state interference.
World/One-Sided Truce Bullshit
Trump's 'Ceasefire' Was a Wet Fart, So Ukraine's Back to Burning Russian Gas Stations
Zelenskyy, tired of waiting for Trump's magical 'energy truce' while Russia kept bombing his civilians, said 'The block is out. We're done' and resumed hitting refineries. He also accused the US of deliberately fucking with Starlink and intel, and says he'll only stop again if they send Patriots.
Business/Ministerial Monopoly Panic
Nandy's Minded to Cockblock Sky's £1.6bn ITV Grab
Culture Secretary Lisa Nandy declares herself minded to intervene in Sky's purchase of ITV's media and entertainment division over free expression gripes and news diversity bollocks, spotlighting the 26 percent TV news share and 86 percent BBC combo stranglehold.
Politics/Ego Construction
Obama's Billion-Dollar Ego Dome Triples Budget, Subs Contractors
Obama's billion-dollar Chicago monument to himself is now a monument to financial incontinence.
Sports/Gravy Train Derailed
FA Council's All-You-Can-Eat Orgy Costs Fans an Extra £112k
The Football Association spent a quarter more on Wembley hospitality and free tickets for its council members last season, topping £560,000, while the cost of their own meetings doubled.
World/SUCKER'S REFUND
German Gamblers Line Up to Get Their Pissed-Away Euros Back from Illegal Casino Clowns
A series of court decisions suggests that online casinos which operated without a German license might have to refund every single stupid bet placed by the country’s most optimistic idiots.
World/Secret Squirrel Shit
Nord Stream Saboteur's Defense: Can't Talk, Sworn to Secrecy, Also It Wasn't a Crime
In a Hamburg courtroom, the lawyer for a Ukrainian ex-commando accused of blowing up the pipelines argued the case should be tossed because his client can't discuss it and also because the whole thing was totally fine.
Politics/Stiff Upper Litigation
Donald Trump Files $10 Billion Defamation Lawsuit Against BBC for Editing His 'Peaceful' January 6th Speech
The former president claims a BBC 'Panorama' episode gave the 'mistaken impression' he called for violence, prompting a legal battle where the broadcaster is serving papers to his kids while a Guardian columnist argues the BBC's institutional stubbornness makes it a uniquely formidable opponent.
Sports/SPORTS‑WASHING SHITSTORM
The Etihad Air‑Fraud and the Mayor’s Moist Panties
Manchester City’s UAE owners face 114 charges for financial bullshit. The local Labour mayor who gargled their investment now weeps about possibly losing his sugar daddy’s cum‑filled wallet.
World/Military Transparency Gap
BBC Verify Finds 254 IDF Investigations Still Without Public Outcomes
The Israeli military says it is reviewing hundreds of incidents, but only a handful of results have ever been published.
Business/HERPES LOGISTICS FAIL
Walmart's Dick-Sore Division Just Got Its Ass Handed to It by the FDA
The retail giant's fulfillment arm was caught shipping unapproved herpes creams, and its best legal defense is 'lemongrass 2X' - which isn't even real homeopathy.
Sports/Set‑Piece Suicide
Mourinho’s Roma Suffer Late Corner Collapse as Real Madrid Complete Dramatic 4-3 Comeback
Real Madrid netted three corner‑derived goals in the final six minutes to overturn a 3‑1 deficit, while Mourinho vented frustration over a last‑minute suspension announcement.
Culture/Billionaire Bailout
Satire For Suckers: How Hollywood’s Lazy Rich-People Bashing Bombed The Box Office
The 1% finally catch a break as the only thing collapsing faster than their public image is the box office for movies that point it out.
Sports/Compensatory Damage Control
Tyreek Hill Found Liable on Two Battery Counts in Miami Jury Verdict
A Miami jury held the NFL wide receiver responsible for two battery incidents involving his estranged wife, awarding $500,000 in compensatory damages.