The facts
The Guardian reports that France has withdrawn its objection to the United Kingdom being included in the EU’s proposed Made in Europe legislation for the automotive sector, on the condition that the UK aligns with the EU’s stance on tariffs for Chinese electric vehicles. The change comes from a joint Franco‑German paper that proposes an opt‑in for European partners that were part of the single market on 1 January 2020, with full reciprocity on trade‑defence measures. Germany had previously backed UK inclusion in the draft Industrial Accelerator Act, which aims to protect domestic manufacturing from cheap Chinese competition. The paper also mentions that Norway would be eligible under the same opt‑in. Liam Byrne, chair of the UK Business, Innovation, Science and Trade Committee, said aligning on trade defence is a small price for protecting British manufacturing. A Downing Street spokesperson said the government has not yet seen the full details but welcomed the development.
Our take
So France has finally decided to stop being a vindictive little prick about the whole Brexit thing, but only if the UK agrees to suck the EU’s dick on trade policy first. What a fucking magnanimous gesture from our Gallic friends: they’ll let Britain have a ‘Made in Europe’ badge for its cars, but only after London signs a blood oath to mirror every single protectionist tariff Brussels dreams up against Chinese electric vehicles. The joint Franco-German paper proposing this ‘opt-in’ is a masterpiece of bureaucratic humiliation. It’s basically a loyalty test for ex-single-market members: prove you’re still a good little vassal by copying our homework on ‘trade-defence measures’, and maybe, just maybe, you can sit with us at the cool kids’ table again. The sheer, unadulterated gall of it is breathtaking. France spent years post-Brexit acting like a scorned lover slashing tires, and now it’s offering a conditional hug? Get fucked.
Germany, the other architect of this bullshit, had already backed UK inclusion because its car bosses want a united front against cheap Chinese competition. So this isn’t diplomacy; it’s a corporate-directed shakedown dressed up as statesmanship. They’re not offering partnership, they’re offering indentured servitude with a fancy label. And what does Britain get for this ‘small price’, as that useless prick Liam Byrne from the Business Committee calls it? The ‘privilege’ of aligning its entire trade policy with a bloc it supposedly left to regain sovereignty. It’s the political equivalent of paying your ex for the right to wear their old sweater. Downing Street’s spokesperson, a master of stating the fucking obvious, says they ‘haven’t seen the full details’ but ‘welcome the development’. Translation: We’re so desperate for a win we’ll cheer for the contract before we read the clause where we have to gargle Merkel’s balls.
The paper even throws in Norway as another eligible suck-up, just to show Britain isn’t special - it’s just another pathetic country willing to debase itself for market access. The whole scheme is a monument to the EU’s post-Brexit strategy: make the leavers crawl back, policy by policy, until they’re functionally a member again but without a vote. It’s a revenge fantasy made real, and the UK’s ruling class of gutless wonders seems ready to sign on the dotted line. They’ll trade what’s left of their ‘global Britain’ fantasy for a sticker on a car boot, then have the nerve to call it a victory. The only thing being accelerated here is the speed at which Brexit becomes a historical footnote of national self-immolation, followed by a frantic, ass-kicking scramble to get back inside the tent. What a bunch of absolute cunts.
