The facts
Supreme Court Justices Neil Gorsuch and Sonia Sotomayor have formed an unlikely alliance to question the federal government's prosecution of a Mexican national, Jesus Herrera-Salazar. Gorsuch, appointed by President Donald Trump, and Sotomayor, appointed by former President Barack Obama, raised concerns about prosecuting Herrera-Salazar twice for being unlawfully in the United States, even after a federal court prohibited him from leaving the Eastern District of Oklahoma following his first conviction. The Supreme Court declined to hear Herrera-Salazar's appeal, which argued his second prosecution violated the Fifth Amendment's protection against double jeopardy. However, Sotomayor issued a separate statement, joined by Gorsuch, highlighting what they described as a "constitutional absurdity." They questioned how the government could punish someone for remaining in the country after effectively prohibiting him from leaving. This marks the latest instance of the two justices finding common ground on constitutional protections against government action, following similar joint statements in cases concerning property damage during police operations and warrantless misdemeanor arrests. The justices' statement, while not overturning the lower court's decision, aimed to draw attention to constitutional concerns and encourage lower courts to avoid similar issues.
Our take
Let’s get this straight. The Department of Justice, that colossal hive of bureaucratic pricks, managed to achieve the impossible: they made Neil Gorsuch and Sonia Sotomayor agree on something. And that something is that the DOJ’s legal strategy is a fucking toddler’s tantrum dressed up in a suit. Their target was Jesus Herrera-Salazar. They nailed him once for being here illegally. Standard government dickhead move. Then, in a stroke of petty, vindictive genius, a federal court told him he couldn’t leave the Eastern District of Oklahoma. So he stayed. And what did our heroic federal bastards do? They prosecuted him again. For the crime of... obeying a court order. It’s the legal equivalent of putting a man in a locked room, then charging him with breaking and entering because he’s inside it. The sheer, breathtaking stupidity of this shit is so potent it vaporized the usual partisan bullshit on the bench. Gorsuch and Sotomayor looked at this farce and issued a joint statement calling it a 'constitutional absurdity.' That’s the polite, robe-wearing way of saying 'What the fuck is wrong with you people? Are you actually this stupid?' They specifically asked how the government could punish someone for remaining after it prohibited him from leaving. It’s a question so basic a fucking golden retriever could understand the contradiction. But not the DOJ. Oh no. Their brains are so smooth and polished from years of smelling their own farts that this logic seems sound. The Supreme Court, in its infinite cowardice, declined to actually hear the appeal and fix this mess. Why do the hard work when you can just let the lower courts marinate in their own piss? But Sotomayor, with Gorsuch happily nodding along like a bobblehead of disgust, felt compelled to write it down. To put a pin in this moment of federal insanity so future generations of law students can point and laugh. This isn’t their first rodeo bonding over government cuntery. They’ve previously teamed up to side-eye cops destroying property and making warrantless arrests. It seems the one glue that can bind this fractured court is a shared, profound contempt for the state acting like a raging, incompetent asshole. So let’s raise a glass to the DOJ. You useless, logic-void bastards. You are the only force in America capable of making a Trump appointee and an Obama appointee sound like best friends shit-talking the village idiot. Your achievement is monumental. You didn’t just fail at justice; you created a constitutional clown show so embarrassing it united your natural enemies in mockery. Next time, maybe try prosecuting a crime that the defendant had a fucking choice in committing, you absolute cunts.
