World/Festival of Fuckery
West Bank Shooting Mars Yom Kippur, Because Of Course It Does
Settler vigilante violence soars, military raids rage, and the holiday of atonement begins with a roadblocked manhunt. What could go wrong?
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World/Highway Robbery, Meet Highway Justice
Balochistan Bandits Discover the Hard Way That 'Cash and Carry' Means the Army Carries You Out in Bags
After militants set up an overnight tollbooth to kidnap, extort, and steal vehicles, Pakistani security forces arrived to conduct a violent liquidation sale, killing five, freeing 23, and repossessing a small fleet.
World/Diplomatic Dumpster Fire
Bachelet Bails After UN Vote Gives Her the Shittiest Score Since Your High School Gym Class
Former Chilean president withdraws her historic bid for UN top job after Security Council straw poll delivers an atomic wedgie of 11 discouraging votes against her single thumbs‑up.
Sports/Gods Given a Tour
CJ Bailey's End Zone Fumble Is a Masterclass in How to Fuck Up a 1,046-to-1 Bet
With six seconds left, a three-point lead, and the entire sport's history saying you win, NC State's quarterback invented a new way to lose: fumbling in his own end zone for a Vanderbilt touchdown, turning statistical certainty into a monument to shit-for-brains execution.
World/Oven‑Ready Policy
Europe’s Hottest Summer on Record Triggers Surge in Heat‑Related Deaths
The Copernicus Climate Change Service confirmed 2026 as Europe’s warmest summer, with Germany alone seeing over 16,300 excess deaths linked to unprecedented heat waves.
World/The Medic’s Mercy Killing
President Herzog Grants Pardon to Soldier Who Shot Wounded Palestinian
Isaac Herzog cleared Elor Azaria’s criminal record despite opposition from army chief of staff Eyal Zamir, who said the soldier showed no remorse.
World/Diplomacy with a Threat
Iran to US: Stop Shooting, Here’s a Very Reasonable List
Supreme Security Council chief Mohsen Rezaei sends President Donald Trump a ‘conditions for peace’ note via Qatar, demanding cash, an end to blockades and a halt to the war.
World/Grid Gives Up
Cuba's Power Grid Decides 'Total Disconnection' Is the New 'On'
The national electricity system took a shit, plunging millions into darkness for the sixth time this year, because the whole operation is held together with fucking wishes and a dwindling cup of diesel.
Politics/Globe-Trotting Deportations
Court to Trump's Deportation Roulette: You Can't Just Spin the Globe and Point
Appeals judges say dumping migrants in random-ass countries without telling them where they're going or if they'll be tortured is, shockingly, against the rules.
Culture/Receipts from Hell
Museums Cite 'Legal Title' to Paintings Nazis Stole from Jews They Murdered
The Norton Simon and Auschwitz Memorial are deploying lawyers to keep Holocaust-looted art, arguing paperwork trumps genocide in a staggering display of institutional assholery.
Business/Sanctioned and Evicted
Turkey Boots Iranian Bank's Branch Out the Back Door, Citing 'Security'
The banking regulator pulled the license for Bank Mellat's Istanbul branch, saying its continued existence was a risk to depositors and financial stability, without detailing what the fuck it actually did.
World/Sirens of Reality
Saudi Capital's 'Invincible' Bubble Pops With Sound of Explosions and Sirens
After months of Houthi threats, Riyadh's air raid sirens finally blared for real, proving the kingdom's multi-billion-dollar defense system works perfectly for alerting rich people that their war is no longer just a distant TV show.
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World/ELECTION INTERFERENCE FANTASY
Russia Reports ‘Powerful’ Cyberattack on Its Fake Election, Because Even a Sham Needs a Villain
Moscow’s electronic voting system endures a 'very powerful' cyberattack, because in a pre-scripted sham election, the only suspense is which imaginary villain the Kremlin will blame for the glitches.
Politics/Monumental Bullshit
Trump's Texas-Sized Fuck You: They're Building the Wall Through Big Bend Now
The administration starts slamming 30-foot steel panels into a scenic desert where opponents say few migrants cross, ignoring locals, nature, and common sense while boasting a 12-miles-a-week building pace.
World/Post-Carnage Cleanup
Pakistan's 20-Hour 'Operation' Amounts to Watching a Bomb Site Cool Down
Security forces declared a standoff 'concluded' after two final attackers blew themselves up, having already killed 21 and wounded 103 at a police mosque. The official response was to count bodies, note damage, and conduct a search of the obvious fucking ruins.
Politics/Voodoo Economics, Healthcare Edition
Trump's New Medicaid Plan Is Just a Shitty Election-Year Magic Trick
The president's 'GENEROUS' model promises billions in drug savings that experts can't see because the deals are secret. He's hoping you'll buy the bullshit before you vote.
Politics/Government-Sanctioned Kidnapping
Stephen Miller's Daily 'Child-Removal' Huddle Is What Happens When a Ghoul Gets a Gavel
The architect of Trump's most vicious immigration policies has convened a whole-of-government task force with one mission: to make the deportation of undocumented kids as fast, cruel, and legally suspect as possible. The White House calls it anti-trafficking. Everyone else calls it a fucking war crime.
Politics/Diplomatic Dumpster Fire
Trump to Meet Venezuela's Acting President, Because Apparently 'Acting' Means 'Running the Country Into the Ground'
In a diplomatic move that redefines 'pull-aside' as 'let's chat with the person running the shitshow we just helped create,' Trump will meet Delcy Rodríguez, who stepped up after the U.S. nabbed her boss.
Politics/Bullshit Relaunch
Trump Revives Racist 1988 Willie Horton Scare in North Carolina
The former president, desperate to distract from inflation and his own record, dredged up the infamous dog whistle to falsely accuse a Democratic governor of being soft on crime, even though the cited case happened after the governor left office.
World/Spook Show
Saudi Arabia Scares the Shit Out of Itself
The kingdom blasted air raid sirens and warned of a 'hostile aerial threat' across the country, then reported absolutely nothing happened. No casualties, no damage, just a whole lot of scared citizens and a mystery boom.
Sports/Patron Saint of Staying Put
Inter Milan Legend Mazzola Dies, Proving Loyalty is a Fatal Condition
Inter Milan legend Sandro Mazzola dead at 83, leaving behind a career of such stubborn, one-club loyalty it makes today's superstar free agents look like faithless, contract-hopping whores.
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Politics/Professional Tantrum
Reform UK's £72 Million Crypto Piggy Bank Sparks Full-Blown Shitfit Over Who Gets to Hold the Fancy Job Title Pen
As Nigel Farage tries to build a professional party with the largest political donation this century, his own activists are having a meltdown over the prospect of, checks notes, paid staff doing work.
Tech/Azure of the Beholder
UK Plod's Entire Evidence Locker Now a Global Fucking Timeshare
A buried security assessment reveals 40+ British police forces dumped their most sensitive files - from secret intelligence to rape victim statements - onto Microsoft Azure, where US spooks and foreign hackers get a 'viewing appointment.' The bill? A cool £1.9 billion a year for the privilege.
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Culture/Artistic Extortion
Trump's 'Preservation' Plan: Pay Me Forever or I'll Finish the Job
A judge scrubbed his illegal name off the Kennedy Center and blocked his board's demolition-by-repair plot, forcing the ex-president to offer a deal straight out of a mobster's playbook: continuous tribute for not torching the place.
World/Cost-Plus Catastrophe
The Pentagon's New Iran War Bill: $43.6 Billion, Mostly for the 'Things Go Boom' Department
In a stunning revelation, the U.S. military has discovered that shooting missiles at another country is expensive, with the 'weapons' line item swelling by over $6 billion in just over a month.
World/A Blueprint for Bastards
The Kremlin's 'Super-App' Is a Full-Service Shit-Sniffer
A new report reveals the Russian state's favorite app, Max, is less a messaging platform and more a digital rectal exam, capable of screenshotting your phone and rifling through your messages and payments without you noticing.
World/Pre‑Summit Pissing Contest
Taiwan Unboxes Its New Drone Bundle, Forgets to Read the 'May Inflame Neighbor' Warning
In a stunning display of 'look what we can do if you try anything,' the island's military held its first-ever joint drone-and-missile playdate, a move about as subtle as setting off fireworks in a library two days before the librarians are set to have a tense meeting about the noise.
World/Subcontracting Sadism
US Pays $7.5 Million for Torture Timeshare at 'Hotel Bamy'
In a new 'cooperation deal,' the US government subcontracts its human rights violations to Equatorial Guinea, where deportees are bound, hooded, beaten, and thrown down stairs for speaking to the press.
Politics/Permanent Temporary Control
Trump’s Greenland Grab Ends in a Permission Slip for a Clubhouse
After threatening to buy the whole island, the president announces a 'deal' that mostly just asks nicely if the U.S. can hang out there more, pending everyone else's say-so.
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World/Department of Fucking Up
Dad’s Dept. of Ed. Gun Vault Proves as Effective as a Screen Door on a Submarine in Teen’s Murder Spree
Teenager uses dad’s government‑stored gun to murder classmates after his online fan club for killers was apparently mistaken for an edgy phase.