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The facts
Russian authorities reported that the country's voting systems and communication lines experienced cyberattacks on the second day of a three-day parliamentary election. Interfax news agency reported that Moscow's electronic voting system was subjected to a "very powerful" and continuous cyberattack overnight between Friday and Saturday. Ella Pamfilova, head of the Russian Central Election Commission, stated the attack was "very large-scale and intense," primarily targeting Moscow, but confirmed the electronic voting system was still operating normally. The election, which determines all 450 seats in the State Duma, is the first since Russia's full-scale invasion of Ukraine in February 2022. The governing United Russia party is widely expected to maintain its dominance, with most antiwar candidates excluded from the ballot. Russian President Vladimir Putin accused Ukraine of trying to "hinder" the vote, while Ukraine has called the election "farcical." Russian Foreign Ministry spokesperson Maria Zakharova told TASS that high voter turnout indicated a united response to the war against Russia.
Our take
Of course Russia’s ‘election’ is under cyberattack. It’s the perfect plot twist for a political pantomime that already banned the opposition and whose only possible outcome is a landslide for Putin’s party. The system is so ‘secure’ it can withstand a ‘very large-scale and intense’ digital assault and still spit out the pre-approved results on schedule. What a fucking miracle of engineering.
The real joke is wondering who the hell they think they’re fooling. Putin immediately pointed the dickhead finger at Ukraine for trying to ‘hinder’ the vote. Hindering what? The smooth operation of a one-horse race? The only thing Ukraine could possibly hinder is the Kremlin’s ability to pretend this farce has any legitimacy, which was already fucking zero. The ‘attack’ is a free gift: a ready-made scapegoat for any statistical hiccup and a chance to play the victim on the world stage while they’re the ones waging a real, physical war.
Then you’ve got the Central Election Commission’s Ella Pamfilova, who must have the most stressful no-job in politics. Her entire role is to stand there, confirm the ‘system is operating normally’ despite the ‘very powerful’ attack, and pretend that an election where anti-war candidates are barred is a legitimate expression of popular will. She’s the IT manager for a Potemkin polling station, troubleshooting digital ghosts while the actual democratic process is decomposing in a ditch.
And let’s not forget Foreign Ministry spokesperson Maria Zakharova, who claimed high turnout shows a ‘united response to the war.’ United in what? Fear of not voting? The understanding that a ‘united response’ might be the only thing keeping you out of a prison cell? This is the logic of a shitshow state: manufacture a fake crisis, blame your enemies for it, and then cite the public’s coerced participation as proof of your glorious popularity. The cyberattack isn’t a threat; it’s the fucking soundtrack.
The entire story is a pathetic attempt to inject drama into a foregone conclusion. The only ‘very powerful’ attack happening is the one on reality, launched daily from the Kremlin. Their electronic voting system might have weathered a digital storm, but the nation’s moral circuitry short-circuited the day they decided a landslide victory requires banning everyone else from the hill.
