Scores, scandals, and grown adults losing their shit over a ball.
Burke Nihill tells fans 'we're sorry' after an 0-5 start, a league-worst offense, and a seven-game losing streak, but insists he still believes in the architects of this shit show.
Alex Iwobi's shot that somehow squirmed under a goalkeeper's entire body is enough to lift Fulham off the bottom of the table in a match so dire it made Álvaro Arbeloa's 'expansive style' look like a fucking euphemism for 'still shit, but now with more pointless possession'.
NCAA files federal lawsuit claiming Ohio's new rule gives schools an unfair competitive edge.
Hyron Andrews, 31, died in a team hotel. The sport's bosses called it an 'accident,' announced a game in his 'honor,' and proved they'd rather manage a PR problem than explain a fucking tragedy.
Lawyer says the club's desperate attempt to overturn a mountain of financial rule breaches faces 'substantial hurdles' because their entire defense is a steaming pile of owner-funded bullshit they already tried to sell.
In a move of staggering grace, La Liga president Javier Tebas compared the club's referee-whinging TV segments to Joseph Goebbels's methods. The club, in turn, has kindly suggested he eat a bag of dicks and resign.
The Spaniard gave up a nine‑figure sum still owed to him in order to walk away from the bankrupt Saudi‑backed league.
The Arsenal manager, having just signed a contract worth over £20 million per season, claims slashing staff is essential for 'evolving' the club. The cuts, targeting catering and travel while exempting his own coaching bubble, follow a review by expensive consultants.
Facing a battery case, the Packers running back sues cops to seal garage video the NFL wants, claiming it's all to protect his ex's dignity and his own home from burglars.
The Vitality Stadium hosts its first European victory as a Brazilian duo and a penalty seal a 3‑0 triumph.
The former captain brands United as “like a circus” after defender Lisandro Martinez criticised the club’s hierarchy following a Champions League loss.
Stefan “The Ghost” Milicevic, a Serbian tennis player whose career peaked at a world ranking lower than the temperature in his fridge, has been banned until 2050 for fixing matches he was already losing anyway.
FIFA president Gianni Infantino issued a cowardly pre-recorded apology for his secret World Cup rights sell-off scheme, only to be told by his vice-president he must release all documents and answer key questions or he's a fucking useless cunt.
The Football Association spent a quarter more on Wembley hospitality and free tickets for its council members last season, topping £560,000, while the cost of their own meetings doubled.
Manchester City’s UAE owners face 114 charges for financial bullshit. The local Labour mayor who gargled their investment now weeps about possibly losing his sugar daddy’s cum‑filled wallet.
Real Madrid netted three corner‑derived goals in the final six minutes to overturn a 3‑1 deficit, while Mourinho vented frustration over a last‑minute suspension announcement.
A Miami jury held the NFL wide receiver responsible for two battery incidents involving his estranged wife, awarding $500,000 in compensatory damages.
In court, the insolvent Saudi vanity project whined that a real tour enforcing its rules is ‘interference’, as it begs a judge to save it from the consequences of its own worthless contracts.
Greater Manchester mayor Bev Craig invites a Manchester City representative on official trade trip to Delhi and Mumbai while the club is appealing 114 separate rule breaches, citing their good work with libraries.
Brett Clothier's Athletics Integrity Unit admits the world record set by a now-banned doper can't be erased, because the only thing more full of shit than her 'housemaid's medication' excuse is the legal system protecting it.
The Independent Football Regulator chair vowed to resign if politicians meddle in the Man City case - a promise of basic fucking decency he made while launching a report proving 94% of clubs are hemorrhaging money and the whole system is a scam.
After City's first game since being found guilty of over 100 financial breaches, the manager admitted rival fans would call them cheats, then claimed the scandal is 'tougher' on supporters than on the team that just won 3-0 and feels 'very happy'.
Memphis head coach Penny Hardaway is contributing $2.6 million of his $2.9 million salary to the Tigers’ revenue share as he works to improve a program that went 13‑19 last season.
The 'Acclaimed' rapper's TNA debut ends with a career-ending bar so catastrophically stupid it should be studied.
