Politics/Two-Year-Old News
Congress’s Big Idea to Stop Putin: A Fucking Tax Form
In a stunning display of doing the bare minimum two years late, Congress passes a bill that threatens to tax our friends while politely asking the enemy to maybe stop.
Politics.
Power, money, and the lying fucks who think you won’t notice.
Politics/Impeachment Pinata
Massie Moves to Impeach Defense Secretary Over Iran War Deployment
Rep. Thomas Massie, R‑Ky., files a long‑shot impeachment resolution accusing Pete Hegseth of illegal war‑powers use.
Politics/Poll‑Driven Cowards
GOP Discovers War Is Bad for Polls, Stages Symbolic Pantomime of Regret
With gas prices and body bags piling up, three GOP members stage a performative, useless vote they know Trump will wipe his ass with, while a defeated colleague ghosts up an impeachment.
Politics/THE CUSTOMER IS THE CASH MACHINE
Trump Calls It a Sale. You’re Paying for 40,000 One-Ton Bombs.
The administration is preparing a $2.8 billion Israel package, mostly funded through U.S. taxpayer-backed Foreign Military Financing, after Biden once paused this class of bomb over civilian-casualty concerns.
Politics/THE PRINCIPALITY OF PETTY
Piddington Voted to Leave Britain. The Village Hall Still Has to Run the New Country.
The Oxfordshire village's symbolic 285-26 secession vote protests plans to house up to 1,256 asylum seekers nearby. The ballot has no legal force, but the paperwork has already acquired a flag.
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Politics/AMERICA LOST CANADA AT THE BORDER
Trump Kept Calling Canada the 51st State. Europe Offered It a Plus-One Instead.
Ursula von der Leyen invited Canada to become the EU's first associate member, a new status outside the bloc's treaties, as Mark Carney pulls Ottawa closer to Europe during Trump's tariff war.
Politics/THE TARIFF BUTTON HAS A NEW OWNER
House Clears Path for Trump's 100% Tariff Nuke, Then Calls It a Russia Sanction
A 214-211 House rule vote set up consideration of the Lindsey O. Graham Sanctioning Russia and Iran Act, which would let the president impose tariffs of up to 100% on major buyers of Russian oil and gas.
Politics/THE WAR SUBSCRIPTION WON'T CANCEL
House Votes to End Trump's Iran War for the Third Time, Because the First Two Breakup Texts Went Unread
The U.S. House in Washington voted 220-204 to direct President Donald Trump to remove American forces from hostilities with Iran, its third such vote, but none has reached his desk.
Politics/Judicial Meltdown
Trump’s Justices Tell Him to Go Fuck Himself, He Is Not Amused
Man screams at the sky after his own hand-picked bench tells him to fuck off, again.
Politics/Pump and Command
President Pump & Trump Makes More Trades Than All of Congress Combined
Bloomberg analysis, cited by @WatcherGuru, shows Donald Trump or his money managers executed about 28,700 securities trades in the 17 months after his second inauguration - roughly 6,500 more than the 22,200 trades reported by every member of Congress together.
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Politics/Please Don't Build Skynet
Bernie Sanders Tries to Get Trump to Ask China Nicely for a Time-Out on the Robot Uprising
In a move that redefines political optimism, the socialist senator has urged the former president to negotiate a treaty with Xi Jinping to ban AI superintelligence and pause development of advanced AI, because asking politely has worked so well for global arms control.
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Politics/Horseplay Exception
Kash Patel Horseplays Around, Drops Bestiality Ban, Cites Compassion for Trafficking Victims
FBI Director says barring animal fuckers is bad for trafficking victims, as bipartisan coalition asks what the actual fuck.
Politics/Holy Shit Show Batman
Brazil's Supreme Court Throws a Fucking Judicial Cage Match on Live TV
With the nation's election three weeks away, two top judges accused each other of being coup-plotting stooges during a televised meltdown, proving the only thing they're upholding is the fucking drama.
Politics/ALIAS MANAGEMENT
Thomas Crooks Ordered Gun Parts as ‘Bob Dole,’ Because Apparently the Alias Desk Was Drunk
Federal records reviewed by Fox News reportedly show Thomas Crooks collected gun-part packages under the alias ‘Bob Dole,’ while an unidentified donor later paid for his cremation.
Politics/Hurr Durr I wonder Who Shot Him
Man Tries to Save Shot Friend, Gets Shot Himself. Usual Suspects Presumed...
Matthew Lanske, 21. Three bullets. Friend Isaac Rios dead. A man and two women with a gun. Police still want a name. Bystanders wanted a clip.
Politics/Better kind of BBC Story
£18.5 m Thirlwall Inquiry to Publish Findings on Psycho ahh Baby Killer Lucy Letby
After six months of evidence and a £18.5 million cost, the public inquiry will detail how concerns about Lucy Letby were handled at the Countess of Chester Hospital.
Politics/Municipal Dipshittery
Mayor's 'Friends With Benefits' Program, City Card Mix-Up Lead to Sudden Career Vacancy
Child mayor can't tell his dick from his debit card, nor a constituent from a conquest. At least he can see his dick (unlike me)
Politics/Bazedddd
Trump EPA's New Math: 10x Coal, 0x Fucks, Based
The agency tasked with environmental protection declares pollution harmless, climate impact a ghost, and unleashes a thousand percent more coal so you can save three bucks on your power bill. Based, fuck the libs
Politics/Academic Cowardice
Columbia University Sued for Allegedly Running a Harassment-to-Detention Pipeline for Pro-Goat Lover Students
Lawsuit claims the Ivy League's 'deliberate indifference' was so complete it served as a fucking ICE concierge service, leading to doxing, a 104-day jail stay, and a policy rewrite that treats criticism of Israel like a campus fire alarm.
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Politics/Big Fan
Kennedy Center Trustees to Present 10 Options for Marble Blowjob to Trump, Citing Fear He'll Stop Overseeing Their Bank Account
Facing a lawsuit to stop them, the board plans to vote on carving Trump's name into the building. Their own resolution admits the only way to get his 'fundamental oversight' is to offer a plaque, while a separate draft proposes just shutting the whole unsafe place down.
Politics/FEDERAL EFFICIENCY
Government Finds One Weird Trick From 1996 To Deport Granny Who Said 'Sure, I'm A Terrorist'
Finally, a court that does what it says on the tin, after 30 years of gathering dust and constitutional doubts.
Politics/FEMA Fuckery
Judge to DHS: You Can't Just Delete the Disaster Response Team Like a Signal Message
A federal judge ruled Trump's plan to hack FEMA's staff in half was as illegal as it was idiotic, noting DHS's brilliant strategy of discussing the illegal layoffs on an encrypted app and then hitting 'delete for everyone.'
Politics/Political Pardon Power Play
Retard Hochul Pardons Felon, Guts Supreme Court Case Like a Fish
Governor Kathy Hochul’s pardon of a convicted immigrant assault felon torpedoes a major Trump administration appeal, leaving the legal fight over indefinite detention in a constitutional limbo.
Politics/TOMORROW I'LL MOURN THE WARS
Michigan's Muslim Senate candidate used 9/11 to mourn America's wars. Today he posted a first-responder video.
2021: tomorrow I'll mourn a million dead in my country's name. Deleted. Hasan Piker said America deserved 9/11. He still campaigned with him.