The facts
NASA Administrator Jared Isaacman stated that the agency is working to return American astronauts to the lunar surface by 2028 and establish a Moon Base, leveraging the Space Launch System (SLS) rocket and Orion spacecraft. Commercial providers Blue Origin and SpaceX are developing human landing systems. To accelerate development, landers and Orion will no longer rendezvous in a near-rectilinear halo orbit around the Moon but will meet in orbits tailored to each partner's system. Both companies must conduct uncrewed demonstration missions before crewed flights. SpaceX plans a propellant aggregation approach in Earth orbit for its Starship lander, while Blue Origin will use three transfer stages for its Blue Moon Mark 2 Alpha Lander. NASA will ultimately select which company will be the first to land astronauts in 2028, with a second crewed landing opportunity to follow.
Our take
NASA, having blown past every Artemis deadline like a SpaceX test article exploding over Boca Chica, is now in full bureaucratic panic mode. Administrator Jared Isaacman is out here promising a fucking Moon Base by 2028, a date pulled so directly from his ass it still has Kuiper Belt dust on it. The plan to get there hinges on two private companies whose primary achievement to date is making rich cunts feel weightless for three minutes and turning a South Texas wetland into a scorched-earth metal recycling yard. These are your lunar pioneers, America. What a fucking joke. To 'accelerate' this shitshow, they've scrapped the whole 'meet in a fancy Moon orbit' idea because it was, shockingly, too complicated for these clowns. Now, Blue Origin and SpaceX get to make up their own fucking parking spots. This isn't a mission architecture; it's letting two toddlers draw their own roads on a map because they can't follow the lines. Blue Origin's plan involves not one, not two, but three separate transfer stages for its Blue Moon Mark 2 Alpha Lander - a name so bloated it needs its own fucking rocket just to get off the page. Jeff Bezos couldn't land a paperback in a toilet bowl, but he's gonna orchestrate a three-stage orbital ballet? Good fucking luck. Meanwhile, Elon Musk's contribution is the 'propellant aggregation approach,' which is engineer-speak for 'we'll figure out how to gas up the giant stainless-steel beer can in space later.' Spoiler: they can't even land the fucking thing in the ocean without it disintegrating. The entire program is a dick-swinging contest funded by taxpayer dollars and billionaire vanity, where the finish line is a 'selection' for which grifter gets to embarrass humanity on the lunar surface first. The only thing getting 'streamlined' here is the path from your wallet to a cloud of orbital debris. NASA will pick a 'winner,' and the rest of us will be the absolute cunts who paid for it. The Moon deserves better than this circus of fragile egos and exploding hardware. Fuck every last one of these space-clown assholes. May they all miss their tailored orbits and float directly into the sun. End of fucking story. 2028? Bullshit. Try never. The take is 343 words. The total is 588 words.
