The facts
Former President Donald Trump is scheduled to hold rallies in Iowa and Kansas on Sunday, November 1, 2026, two days before the midterm elections. The Guardian reported that Trump will likely highlight the $15 billion his administration pledged to farmers in recent weeks, intended to offset costs from tariffs and the war in Iran that have increased diesel and fertilizer prices. While Trump won Iowa by a significant margin in 2024, recent polls indicate a closer race, with Democrats tied or leading in several contests. His approval among rural Americans has also reportedly fallen. Kansas, which has not elected a Democratic senator since 1932, is also experiencing a surprisingly competitive Senate race. Early voting has surpassed 53 million ballots cast nationwide, with Democrats showing higher enthusiasm based on early returns.
Our take
What a fucking coward. After realizing his phone calls from the shitter weren't cutting it, the orange prick has to haul his saggy ass back onto the tarmac for a couple of last-minute, ass-puckering rallies. This isn't strategy; it's a full-blown panic attack. He's so scared of losing that he's reversing his own cowardly decision to hide like a little bitch, proving once again that his word is worth less than the fertilizer prices his bullshit tariffs helped inflate.
And what's his big pitch to these farmers he's about to get creamed by? A pathetic $15 billion bribe. He's going to stand there, in front of people whose livelihoods he pissed on, and brag about handing them taxpayer cash to clean up a mess he started with his trade war and his fucking Iran adventure that sent diesel costs through the roof. It's like an arsonist showing up with a tiny garden hose and demanding a parade. What an absolute grifter.
But the real joke is the location. Iowa, which he supposedly owned, is now a toss-up because rural America is finally waking up to the fact that this con man is a human-shaped economic disaster. And Kansas? He's sweating fucking bullets in a state that hasn't sent a Democrat to the Senate since the Great Depression. That's how badly he's shit the bed. His 'base' is looking at the early voting numbers - 53 million and counting, with Democrats fired up - and realizing the carnival barker has nothing left to sell but his own loser stench.
So here he comes, the world's most expensive and least effective campaign prop, screaming into the void two days before the election. It's not a rally; it's a funeral for his political relevance, and he's the clown hired to honk his own nose as they lower the casket. What a pathetic, desperate cunt.
