The facts
The International Space Station (ISS) is being floated as a possible Nobel Peace Prize recipient, according to experts cited by the Associated Press. Haakon Gjerløw, director of the Peace Research Institute Oslo, describes the ISS as a rare symbol of global cooperation at a time when multilateralism is waning. The Norwegian Nobel Committee received 287 nominations for this year’s prize, with organizations comprising just over a quarter of the list. Other named contenders include U.S. President Donald Trump, Canadian figure Mark Carney, emergency response teams in Sudan, children’s advocates in Ukraine, and the International Court of Justice and International Criminal Court. The ISS recently marked 25 years of continuous human presence in orbit, and the Nobel Peace Prize announcement is set for October 9 in Oslo. The prize money this year is 12 million Swedish kronor (about $1.2 million).
Our take
Well, this is the most pathetic fucking admission of global failure since the last UN climate report. The Nobel Peace Prize committee is so desperate for a winner that isn’t actively setting the world on fire that they’re looking at a fucking metal tube in the sky. The International Space Station? The glorified timeshare for astronauts that’s been orbiting for a quarter‑century? That’s the new symbol of peace because down here the best we can manage are two international courts, some emergency teams in a war‑torn country, and Donald Trump on the nominee list. The ISS gets the nod because it’s the only institution that hasn’t yet been defunded by a pissing contest or invaded by a dickhead with a flag. They brag about its 25 years of continuous human presence. Big fucking whoop. My local dive bar has had continuous human presence for 40 years and has fostered more fraternity among drunk assholes than the ISS has for geopolitics. The committee wants “durability of peace” – the ISS is durable because it lives in a vacuum where no one can start a war. It’s the ultimate NIMBY project: peace achieved by being 250 miles away from all the humans. And the prize money – 12 million Swedish kronor, about $1.2 million – what will the station do with it? Buy a new zero‑gravity toilet? Split it between NASA and Roscosmos so they can pretend they’re not at each other’s throats over Ukraine? This is a bullshit vanity award for a machine. It’s like giving Employee of the Month to the office printer because the human workers are too busy shitting on each other’s desks. The real kicker is that this is being hailed as a bold, hopeful choice. It isn’t. It’s a surrender. The global community is throwing up its hands and saying, The best peace we can showcase is the one happening where none of us actually have to live together. Rewarding a floating hunk of metal is the ultimate act of diplomatic cowardice. Give the prize to the Sudanese emergency teams or the Ukrainian child advocates actually doing the work. The ISS is just a very expensive, floating mirror showing us what cowards we all are.
