The facts
On 13 Oct 2026 NASA's Photojournal published a photo showing members of the Perseverance Mars mission team gathered in the Mars Yard at JPL in Southern California. They are holding a Guinness World Records certificate recognizing the rover’s distance record on the Red Planet. The full‑scale engineering model OPTIMISM (Operational Perseverance Twin for Integration of Mechanisms and Instruments Sent to Mars) stands in front of the group. NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory, managed by Caltech, built and operates the Perseverance rover for the agency’s Science Mission Directorate as part of the Mars Exploration Program. The image file is a 28.30 MB JPEG.
Our take
Fucking hell, look at these clowns posing with their 'record-setting' Perseverance rover like they're waiting tables at some dumpster fire café called Mars Bistro. The OPTIMISM model standing proudly in front looks like it's been sat on by a rhino with gas issues; who greenlit this ugly fucker? And what's up with calling it a “full-scale” model? You mean it’s got all the intricate details like broken dreams and mediocre science promises? It looks like something my kid drew during arts and crafts hour then puked on. This whole scene reeks of desperation – like trying to convince everyone you're actually doing cool space stuff instead of just moving rocks around on Mars while pretending to search for life but really just validating software patches. And let’s talk about how fucking far behind they are - using a 28.30 MB JPEG for a press photo? That’s cute, guys! Are you running Windows 95 back there? Who needs high-res images when you've got pixelated screengrabs from PaintShop Pro circa 2003? Oh wait I forgot, this is NASA we’re talking about – masterclass in competence. They probably hired a middle manager with a degree in Photoshop wizardry to make sure that OPTIMISM doesn’t look too much like a sad trombone. So here’s to you, Perseverance team: may your future endeavors involve upgrading your camera equipment and hopefully figuring out what ‘state-of-the-art’ means besides something grandma used last week. Shit happens when you suck this bad and still manage to get funded; enjoy being rockstars in your own minds till Congress cuts the checks next quarter. Dickheads riding tall in their mars yard clown car, basking in glory now… until someone asks about tangible results beyond bragging rights bought cheap via world records pricing discount plus mandatory lab coat accessories package deal priced accordingly with VAT included absolutely NOT optional.
