The facts
Four astronauts, including commander Jessica Watkins, launched Thursday from Cape Canaveral Space Force Station on a mission to the International Space Station. The launch, which was delayed three weeks due to a leaking fuel system in the SpaceX Dragon capsule, proceeded under clear skies. Watkins, a geologist who previously worked with NASA's Mars rover Curiosity, is the first Black woman to lead a crew to orbit. The crew also includes NASA's Luke Delaney, Canada's Joshua Kutryk, and Russia's Sergey Teteryatnikov. This mission, designated Crew-13, pays homage to the Apollo 13 mission. The astronauts are expected to arrive at the orbiting laboratory after an eight-hour transit. Joshua Kutryk will become the fourth man to become a father while in orbit, with his wife due to give birth in late November. NASA has previously facilitated communication between astronauts and their families during childbirth. SpaceX also launched a Falcon rocket with over 100 mini satellites and had a classified satellite launch scheduled for later the same day, following the recent success of its Starship reaching orbit.
Our take
Well, fuck me, they finally did it. After three weeks of presumably standing around with wrenches and buckets under a rocket that couldn't stop pissing fuel, NASA and SpaceX managed to shove their Crew-13 mission into the sky. What a triumph of engineering: building a spacecraft that doesn't leak like a rusty colander. The whole operation is a masterclass in priorities, launching a patched-up tin can on a 'historic' mission while the company behind it is busy carpet-bombing low Earth orbit with a hundred mini-satellites and prepping a secret spy launch for later the same fucking day. It's like watching a mechanic fix a flat tire on a school bus while the rest of the garage is launching monster trucks into the sun.
And let's talk about the 'homage' to Apollo 13. You know, the mission famous for an explosion and nearly killing everyone? That's the energy you want to invoke as you send people up in a capsule you just stopped from leaking. 'Hey, remember that time everything went to shit? We're channeling that spirit!' Brilliant. The commander, Jessica Watkins, is a legit geologist who worked on the Mars rover, which is awesome, and her historic role is genuinely significant. But NASA wrapping that achievement in the banner of a mission named after a famous failure, using hardware that needed last-minute plumbing work, is the kind of tone-deaf, self-congratulatory bullshit that only a government agency could manage. They're using her as a human flag to wave over their own mediocre engineering.
Then there's crewman Joshua Kutryk, the Canadian who is about to become the fourth dickhead to become a father while floating in a metal tube. His wife is due in late November. NASA proudly notes it has 'facilitated communication' during childbirth before. Wow. How generous. They'll let a man hear his child's first cries over a staticky radio link from 250 miles up while he's trapped doing protein crystal experiments. 'Facilitated communication' - that's bureaucrat for 'we won't totally cut you off, but you're still missing the whole thing, you poor bastard.' It's the perfect metaphor for the entire venture: a grand, expensive, risky spectacle that forces people to miss the actual important moments of human life on Earth. They launched a leaking rocket, a historic first, a future absentee father, and a Russian cosmonaut all at once. What a bunch of heroic, orbiting cunts.
