The facts
New York Governor Kathy Hochul stated that state police will now investigate all future sexual offense complaints at Cornell University. This decision follows criticism of the university's handling of a 2024 alleged gang rape incident involving a student, identified as Jane Doe, who filed a lawsuit against Cornell. The university acknowledged shortcomings in its response to the case. The Faculty Senate is also holding a no-confidence vote on the administration and President Michael Kotlikoff. Hochul expressed being "deeply disturbed" by the investigation's handling and previously appointed New York Attorney General Letitia James as a special prosecutor. The lawsuit alleges the student was drugged and raped by seven men at a fraternity, and that Cornell failed to protect her or adequately punish the accused.
Our take
Well, look at that. It turns out that when your entire institutional response to a student being allegedly drugged and gang-raped by seven fucking guys is so spectacularly, pants-on-head incompetent that even the Faculty Senate is pulling out the no-confidence votes, the governor might just step in and take your toys away. Congratulations, Cornell. You’ve managed to fail so hard at the basic human function of not being a useless, cowardly bureaucracy that the actual police have to be called in to clean up your mess. Because your own process was clearly too busy jacking itself off in a mirror labeled 'Ivy League Prestige' to bother with, you know, justice or protection or any of that pesky shit you promise parents for eighty grand a year. Governor Hochul says she’s 'deeply disturbed.' No shit. The rest of us are just deeply unsurprised that another rich-kid factory proved it cares more about its brand than its students' safety. The lawsuit paints a picture of an institution that allegedly left a victim twisting in the wind while it figured out how to make the problem go away quietly. And now the state police get to be the grown-ups because Cornell’s leadership, currently facing a potential no-confidence vote, has the investigative rigor of a wet napkin and the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair. What a pathetic, shameful display of institutional cowardice. The only thing more embarrassing than needing this intervention is the fact that it was necessary at all. Absolute fucking clowns, the lot of them. Maybe they can put 'Now Supervised by Real Cops' on the next brochure. Assholes.
