Sports/Moral High Ground Dunk
Wembanyama Rejects NBA Betting Partnerships, Calls Them ‘Very Sad’
Spurs rookie Victor Wembanyama told a reporter he would never partner with a sportsbook, condemning fellow players who promote gambling.
Sports.
Scores, scandals, and grown adults losing their shit over a ball.
Sports/Relegated Resurrection
Wakefield Trinity Shit All Over History, League, and Warrington's Souls
The relegated underdogs just won the fucking Super League for the first time in 58 years, leaving Warrington Wolves to eat a stadium's worth of humble pie and despair.
Sports/Managerial Debut Dribble
Zidane's Homecoming Stumbles to a 1-1 Draw as France Finish with Ten Men
Zidane’s first match in charge at the Stade de France ended in a 1‑1 stalemate against Italy after Dayot Upamecano’s late dismissal left France a man short.
Sports/Anxiety Appetizers
Tuchel Says England’s City Players Are Worried About Club’s Financial Verdict
England boss Thomas Tuchel says the Manchester City contingent in his squad are concerned about the club’s guilty verdict on Premier League financial rules, but he hasn’t seen it affect their training.
Sports/Driven Off the Air
Tony Romo's CBS Career Crashes Harder Than His Field Sobriety Tests
The network and the ex‑Cowboys quarterback mutually agree to end their nine‑year partnership after Romo’s drunk‑driving arrest, leaving JJ Watt to step up and Romo to focus on his health and a six‑month driving ban.
Sports/Pathetic Punt
49ers Owner Jed York Gets Six-Game NFL Suspension, $500K Fine After Getting Nabbed in Ohio Prostitution Sting
The man who got caught paying $160 for a mobile‑home‑park hooker is now half‑a‑million dollars lighter and barred from the sidelines.
Sports/SPRINTING TO THE BANK
Michael Johnson’s Athlete‑Led Track League Faces $25 Million Fraud Lawsuit
Creditors allege Olympic champion Michael Johnson took a $500,000 payment from Grand Slam Track while the bankrupt league’s vendors were offered as little as seven percent of what they’re owed.
Sports/The Shit Hits The Posh
Robbie Savage's Peterborough appointment is a fucking emergency parachute made of bullshit
The League One club, second from bottom, has hired a man whose entire managerial CV is built in the minor leagues, and whose main qualification seems to be a pathological need to tell everyone he's not a loser.
Sports/TRUSTED IN THAT MOMENT
Gray Whines He Is the Best While Tracy's Bullpen Burns the Bed
Sonny Gray was yanked after 70 pitches in a 1‑0 elimination game and immediately declared himself the best pitcher in the American League going through the order a third time. Rookie manager Chad Tracy handed the ball to Erik Miller instead, and the bullpen responded with a 20.25 ERA as the Yankees completed an 18‑2 sweep.
Sports/Absolutely Fucking Pointless
Portugal's Nations League Win Matters Even After Ronaldo Walks Out
Portugal thrash Denmark 4-2 without Ronaldo while Jürgen Klopp celebrates his first victory as Germany coach.
Sports/Melanin Match Analysis
Jürgen Klopp Forced to Explain Basic Fucking Human Decency to Racist Dipshits After a Football Game
The Germany manager, confronted with social media sewage asking if his squad is 'white enough', had to spend press conference time stating the obvious: it's bullshit, you're idiots, and the team is united.
Sports/Pissing on the Peaks
MLB Asked White House If They Could Shit a Baseball Field Into a Grizzly Bear's Living Room
A 'deeply unwelcome' proposal to stage a one-off game in Grand Teton National Park has locals and conservationists telling the league's corporate pricks exactly where to stick their temporary bleachers.
Sports/Whistling Past the Rubble
Yemen's Football Coach Tries to Score a Positive Headline While the Country Burns
Noureddine Ould Ali, whose team just got bounced from the Gulf Cup, says they're here to provide 'different, positive headlines' despite playing no home games since the capital was seized and a fucking civil war started.
Sports/Absolute Clown Litigation
Erling Haaland Sues Airline for Gluing His Old Ponytail to a Plane Like a Fucking Lice-Infested Mohawk
The Manchester City striker and his corporate shell have dragged Norwegian Air Shuttle to court because the dopes thought it was hilarious to photoshop his discarded hair onto a Boeing 737 and claim it made them look 'more Norwegian.'
Sports/Systematic Cheating
City's Sham Contracts So Shameless Even Number 10 Had to Call Them Out
Downing Street declares the Premier League champions are not 'above the rules' after former mayor Andy Burnham's tearful defence of the club's decade of financial bullshit. The government was forced to step in after the Tories called Burnham 'completely out of touch' for worrying more about petro-state sugar daddies leaving than about £830 million in secret funding.
Sports/Oil Money Tears
Andy Burnham Sobs Over Sovereign Wealth Shenanigans
Labour's Manchester mayor and Premier League cheerleader gets his knickers in a twist because his pet petro-state project might actually face consequences for cooking the books to the tune of 900 million quid.
Sports/Geographic Cowardice
WNBA Cites ‘Player Escape Lane’ to Explain Why A’ja Wilson Was Not Ejected
Officials said Wilson stayed in a designated player escape lane, not the stands, so the league did not eject her after the fan confrontation.
Sports/SIUUU, AND GOODBYE
Cristiano Ronaldo’s Portugal Exit Is a Petulant Masterpiece of Ego
Aged superstar storms off after being left out of the Norway line‑up, leaving his team to win without him.
Sports/Sovereign Bullshit
Manchester City's Appeal Strategy: The 'No, The *Other* Oil-Rich Dickhead Paid' Defense
Found guilty of 114 financial breaches, the club's masterful legal comeback is to re-submit the same story an independent commission already called a 'concocted' lie designed to 'obscure and conceal' £830.69m in disguised owner funding.
Sports/Forehead Foreplay
Ivan Toney Pleads Not Guilty to Assault After Allegedly Using His Head for More Than Football
The England striker, accused of head-butting and punching a man in a Soho nightclub, opts for a crown court trial. His spokesperson says he 'acknowledged the charge' and wants to clear his name, which is a fancy way of saying he's about to waste everyone's fucking time.
Sports/Coaching by Amputation
ASU Hockey Coach Greg Powers Placed on Leave After Player Collapses in Heatstroke During Outdoor Workout
Greg Powers was put on administrative leave after a summer outdoor conditioning session led by an unaffiliated former Green Beret left 21‑year‑old Matthew Mayich with severe external heat stroke and a bleak prognosis, while the university scrambled to address safety lapses.
Sports/Mayoral Mouthpiece Service
Andy Burnham Worries His City's Sugar Daddies Might Get Fucked for Allegedly Fucking the Rules
Facing over 100 charges and a £900 million sham contract probe, Manchester's mayor publicly kisses the ring of the accused owners, proving civic duty is now just being a worried hype-man for billionaires under investigation.
Sports/The Hangry Games
Tennis Pro's Body Finally Yells 'Fuck You' After Three Years of Silent Treatment
Emma Navarro reveals she ignored her own screaming metabolism for three years, losing 30 pounds and gaining a 'deep internal anger' that turned her into a racket-smashing ghoul, all while somehow still winning.
Sports/Financial Doping Dickheads
Manchester City’s Rivals Want More Than Just Relegation For ‘Sham Deal’ Empire
Club executives whisper to The Guardian that a one-season drop isn't enough for the 100+ charges and £900m in ‘disguised funding’ - proving the Premier League's integrity fight is just a bitter, envious pissing contest.