The facts
A BBC analysis describes a deepening strain between US President Donald Trump and Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky. Despite a meeting in Oslo, Trump has criticized Zelensky publicly, while Zelensky has stated some US decisions are difficult to explain “between friends” and expressed concern that support for Ukraine is slowing. The Washington Post, citing an unnamed Ukrainian official, reported that Ukraine's supply of US-made Patriot air-defense missiles has slowed amid a global shortage, with only a few interceptors remaining. US Secretary of State Marco Rubio denied a pause in intelligence sharing, attributing a temporary lack of early warnings to a software problem. Conflicting accounts also surround Ukraine's access to Elon Musk's Starlink satellite internet service, with Ukrainian officials reporting throttled connections and Reuters suggesting White House involvement, which Rubio denied. Zelensky expressed optimism about Patriot missiles and Starlink following the Oslo talks, stating early-warning issues had been fixed.
Our take
So the big Oslo friendship summit accomplished precisely dick. Trump, the petulant man-child, is still publicly shitting on Zelensky, who’s forced to do the diplomatic equivalent of saying, 'My buddy here is being a real cunt, but I have to be nice about it.' That’s the high-level statesmanship. The ground-level reality is even more of a joke. Ukraine’s Patriot missile stockpile is down to the last few rounds. Not because of heroic overuse, but because of a 'global shortage' - which is bureaucratic code for 'we’ve decided you’re not worth the warehouse space.' They’re defending their fucking country with the military equivalent of a nearly-empty ketchup packet. And when Kyiv asks where the hell their early warnings for Russian missiles went, Secretary of State Marco Rubio, that smirking asshole, blames a 'software problem.' A software problem. In a war. Right. The most advanced military-intelligence apparatus on the planet got beaten by a bug that could have been fixed by turning it off and on again. That’s not an explanation; it’s a middle finger dipped in weak-sauce. Then there’s the Starlink mystery, the perfect metaphor for this whole shitshow. Ukrainian officials say their crucial battlefield internet is being throttled. Is it the petulant billionaire owner playing god? Some coward in the White House basement fiddling with the knobs? Rubio, of course, denies everything, making him either a liar or the most gullible fucker in the cabinet. So Zelensky’s army is trying to fight a 21st-century war with internet speeds from 1998 and missiles from the 'last one, promise' bin. And his big win from Oslo? He says the early-warning 'glitch' is fixed and he’s 'optimistic.' He’s the guy who got his car stolen and is celebrating because the thieves left him a half-eaten bag of chips on the curb. The entire 'alliance' has devolved into Ukraine desperately checking the couch cushions for spare change while America’s leadership blames mysterious software and offers absolutely fuck-all. It’s a partnership where one side is bleeding out and the other is too busy arguing about whose turn it is to call tech support to notice. Pathetic, cowardly bastards, every last one of them. Fuck this.
