The facts
The eSafety Commissioner, Julie Inman‑Grant, identified Valve’s Steam as an outlier because it still relies on self‑declaration for age assurance. In a recent report, the commissioner noted that Steam introduced a form of age checking last month, but the only method accepted for accessing 18+ content in Australia is credit‑card verification. This approach creates barriers for users without a credit card or who prefer not to use one. The commissioner’s office is engaging with Valve to seek commitments for additional age‑assurance options, giving customers more choice. The eSafety report also mentioned that platforms such as Roblox and Minecraft have made improvements, while others like Fortnite are still expected to enhance protections.
Our take
Holy shit. In a world where you can verify your face with a phone or scan a fucking passport, Steam’s big-brained plan to keep kids from seeing tits and gore is to ask for a credit card number. That’s not an age check, you absolute cunts, that’s a fucking payment gateway with a pathetic excuse taped to it. The eSafety Commissioner rightly called this clown show out, noting Steam is now the lonely, drooling outlier while Roblox and Minecraft have actually bothered to improve their systems. Valve’s ‘innovation’ here is to treat adulthood as a financial transaction, which is the most capitalist, soulless dickhead move imaginable. It means if your parents are poor, or just sensible enough not to hand a teenager a line of credit, you’re shit out of luck. But hey, if you’ve got dad’s Amex, congrats, you’re now a legally recognized adult who can access all the mature content you want. This isn't protection, it's a fucking sieve designed by accountants. The only thing it verifies is that you have a credit card, which about zero percent of 12-year-olds have legitimately, but one hundred percent of them can steal from a purse. So the actual barrier is ‘Do you have a parent willing to get fraudulently charged?’ Bravo. Meanwhile, the system happily scoops up payment details for a simple age gate, turning a safety measure into a data-harvesting glory hole. Valve is engaging with regulators now, which is corporate-speak for ‘we’re being dragged kicking and screaming to do the bare minimum we should have done years ago.’ Their entire approach is a flaccid, transparent attempt to check a compliance box with the least possible effort, prioritizing profit over any actual fucking safety. It’s a policy as useful as a screen door on a submarine, and just as likely to keep the water out. Grow a spine and implement real verification, you greedy bastards.
