The facts
On Friday, October 23, 2026, Secretary of State Marco Rubio posted on X, urging Cubans to "create the change you desire through a discrete partnership with the CIA." Rubio, whose parents were Cuban immigrants, did not specify an operation or details of cooperation. He has been a vocal critic of the Cuban government. Separately, President Donald Trump, speaking at a rally in Fort Myers, Florida, mentioned that U.S. warships might stop near Cuba on their return from Iran and suggested sending Rubio to "finish the job" and negotiate a deal. Trump did not provide specifics on any potential agreement or plan. Fox News Digital sought comment from the CIA, State Department, White House, and the Cuban Embassy.
Our take
Well, here we fucking go. In a groundbreaking development for American foreign policy, Secretary of State Marco Rubio has apparently decided his entire job is now just being a fucking recruiter for Langley. This absolute cunt took to X, the platform for statesmen and shitposters alike, and told the people of Cuba that if they want political change, they should just hook up with the CIA. 'Create the change you desire through a discrete partnership with the CIA.' Discrete. As if asking an entire nation to clandestinely collaborate with the most famous intelligence agency on the planet is like setting up a quiet affair on Ashley Madison. Hey Marco, maybe next you can tweet at the Russians suggesting they file a discreet HR complaint about Putin? What a fucking clown.
This isn't statecraft; it's the diplomatic equivalent of seeing a house on fire and yelling 'Hey, someone call 911!' while you stand there holding a fucking phone. Rubio, whose parents were Cuban immigrants and who has built a whole career on being a vocal critic of the regime, has apparently run out of ideas beyond outsourcing the entire liberation struggle to some guys in Virginia who probably can't even find Cuba on a map without a drone feed. It's the policy equivalent of a shrug. Got a problem? Call the spooks. They'll figure it out. What's next, a TikTok advising Ukrainians to DM the NSA if they need some intel?
And just to make this whole shitshow a perfect symphony of incompetence, his boss, the former and possibly future President Donald Trump, decided to weigh in from a rally in Florida. He mused that maybe some warships could swing by Cuba after fucking around near Iran - a real cohesive global strategy there - and then suggested sending Rubio himself to 'finish the job' and negotiate a deal. Finish what job, you ask? The job of publicly telling people to go be informants? Is the deal just a signed confidentiality agreement? Trump provided no specifics, because why would he? The whole point is the spectacle, the suggestion that sending the guy who just blabbed a covert op on Twitter into a hostile nation is a solid plan. It's like sending a bull into a china shop and telling it to negotiate the price of the plates.
So let's review the brilliant two-step from the top of America's foreign policy apparatus. Step one: The Secretary of State uses his verified account to globally advertise that the CIA is open for business with dissidents, blowing any actual subtlety or security straight to hell. Step two: The guy who might be Commander-in-Chief again thinks the logical next move is to put that same loudmouth on a plane to Havana to hammer out the details. They're not just playing with fire; they're dousing the whole region in gasoline and then arguing over which one of them gets to hold the matches. Fox News is running around asking the CIA and the State Department for comment, and you can bet your ass the only response will be the sound of a thousand career civil servants simultaneously facepalming so hard they give themselves concussions. What a pair of useless, dangerous dickheads.
