The facts
Jim Bakker, a prominent US televangelist, died at 86. His second wife, Lori Bakker, announced his death on social media, stating he had 'went home to be with the Lord.' Bakker was a pioneer of Christian television, achieving fame in the 1980s with 'The PTL Club.' He was convicted in 1989 of defrauding followers of $158 million by selling vacation packages for his Heritage USA Christian theme park that he could not provide. Prosecutors alleged he siphoned $3.7 million for personal use. Bakker served four and a half years in prison. The conviction followed revelations of a 1980 sexual encounter with Jessica Hahn and a subsequent payoff to silence her. Bakker was defrocked and later divorced his first wife, Tammy Faye Bakker. After his release from prison in 1994, Bakker revived his television ministry with his second wife, Lori, in 2003. He later became a supporter of Donald Trump and, in 2020, drew criticism for selling a false COVID-19 treatment.
Our take
Jim Bakker has fucked off to his eternal reward, which, given his resume, is almost certainly a timeshare condo in a gated community built on sand that he’s contractually obligated to share with a rotating cast of horny demons. The televangelist pioneer, who perfected the art of separating rubes from their cash while wearing more makeup than the entire cast of Cats, finally cashed in at 86. His second wife announced the news, presumably between counting the leftover buckets of ‘Silver Solution’ they couldn’t unload.
This prick didn’t just fall from grace; he attached fucking rockets to it. He built an empire on the PTL Club - which stood for ‘Praise the Lord’ but should have stood for ‘Pay This Liar.’ His masterpiece was convincing suckers to buy $158 million worth of vacation packages to a Christian theme park that existed mostly in his greedy, sanctimonious imagination. He then pocketed $3.7 million for personal use, which likely went toward hairspray, mascara, and hush money for Jessica Hahn after he couldn’t keep his dick in his polyester slacks.
After a stint in federal prison - where one hopes he learned that ‘turn the other cheek’ does not refer to prison etiquette - this unflushable turd of a man bobbed back to the surface. He remarried, rebooted his grift, and spent his twilight years sucking up to Donald Trump and peddling a fake ‘cure’ for COVID-19. Because why let a global pandemic go to waste when there’s one last dollar to be squeezed from the terrified and faithful?
So now he’s ‘gone home to be with the Lord.’ Good. Let’s hope the heavenly gates have a better fraud detection system than his followers did. The only thing he ever built that wasn’t a scam was the mountain of bullshit he left behind.
