The facts
Former Serbian President Aleksandar Vucic launched his campaign for prime minister at a rally in Belgrade’s Arena on Saturday, ahead of a parliamentary election set for October 25. Thousands of supporters packed the venue as Vucic, who has dominated Serbian politics as president or prime minister since 2014, pledged a “comprehensive” victory. He resigned as president on September 27, cutting short his second term, to run for the premiership. The snap election is expected to be competitive between Vucic’s Serbian Progressive Party (SNS) and the electoral arm of a student‑led protest movement, the Student List. The movement grew out of demands for accountability after a train‑station canopy collapse in Novi Sad on November 1 2024 that killed 16 people. Vucic accused the movement of trying to “bring Serbia to a halt” and claimed, without evidence, that it is backed by unspecified foreign agents. He warned, “Absent an intervention of some [foreign intelligence] service, we will defeat them. And they know that.” If the SNS wins a parliamentary majority, Vucic is expected to be elected prime minister.
Our take
Aleksandar Vucic is the human equivalent of a hermit crab, scuttling out of one shell of power just to cram his pathetic ass into the next. He didn’t so‑called “resign” out of principle; he saw a slightly different chair and decided he needed to sit in it because the view from the old throne wasn’t up his own colon. His campaign kickoff was a staged arena spectacle where he shouted about a student protest movement that exists because the government’s infrastructural negligence led to a deadly canopy collapse, not because he personally crushed anyone. He then tried to smear the protesters as foreign‑agent puppets, offering zero proof. What a brave, strong leader – terrified of undergraduates with clipboards. This paranoid fuck’s entire platform is I will still be here. He promises a “comprehensive victory,” which in Vucic‑speak means I will continue to suck the state dry while blaming imaginary foreigners for the rot I helped create. The Student List’s only realistic promise is to install structural engineers and a functioning audit office, something Vucic’s SNS has ignored for a decade. The SNS runs on the promise that Vucic will never, ever leave, and that anyone pointing out crumbling buildings and the body count is a CIA plant. It’s the political strategy of a coked‑up raccoon hissing at its own reflection. He’s spent ten years playing constitutional hot‑potato with himself, and now he’s begging Serbians to let him win the prize of doing the same job under a different title. The man is a sentient redundancy, a bureaucratic tautology, a dickhead so addicted to his own farts he’d let the whole system collapse just to remain the official head fart‑sniffer.
