The facts
Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy stated on Saturday that Ukraine would continue targeting Russia's oil refineries in response to Moscow's alleged new strategy of intensive air strikes on major Ukrainian cities. Zelenskyy accused the Kremlin of escalating attacks on civilian targets to force residents to leave urban areas before winter. In recent days, Russian forces have struck two major bridges crossing the Dnipro River in Kyiv. Zelenskyy told Reuters that Ukrainian intelligence had uncovered details of a "new doctrine" from Russian President Vladimir Putin, which he claimed allows attacks on infrastructure, logistics, roads, schools, and hospitals to pressure people to leave the capital and other cities. He emphasized that Ukraine would respond, primarily targeting oil refiners that fund the war, but would not target civilian objects as Russia allegedly does. This marks the first time Moscow has targeted bridges connecting east and west Kyiv. Kyiv Mayor Vitali Klitschko reported that the Northern Bridge was struck, injuring two people and damaging the road surface and trolleybus wires, blocking traffic. Kyiv's Southern Bridge has also been hit multiple times by Russian drones. Russia's Foreign Ministry warned foreign diplomats and nationals in Kyiv to leave the city, stating that the Russian Armed Forces would continue massive retaliatory strikes and that responsibility for negative consequences would rest with those who ignore the warning. Moldova's President Maia Sandu condemned the latest Russian attack on Kyiv, reporting that Russian air attack weapons violated Moldovan airspace and exploded on its soil, calling it a dangerous escalation.
Our take
Volodymyr Zelenskyy, now in his wartime role as Chief Executive Arsonist, has vowed to keep lighting matches under Russia's oily tits. This brilliant strategy of 'you hit our bridges, we'll torch your refineries' is the geopolitical equivalent of a playground slap-fight, except the playground is on fire and full of missiles. The big-brained masterstroke from Putin's war room, apparently, is a 'new doctrine' that just says 'blow up the school, maybe they'll fuck off.' Real Sun Tzu shit, that. Not to be outdone in the dickhead olympics, Russia's Foreign Ministry issued a warning so cowardly it should be printed on a white flag: telling diplomats to get out of Kyiv because they, the brave Russian Armed Forces, plan to commit more war crimes there and don't want the paperwork. Meanwhile, the only thing getting 'intensified' is the sheer volume of bullshit. Zelenskyy piously claims he won't target civilians like the other guys do, as if burning down a country's energy grid is a fucking humanitarian act. It's all just a race to the bottom of the moral septic tank, funded by gasoline and paid for in rubble. Mayor Klitschko is over there counting trolleybus wires while the bridges are getting smashed, because what's a modern war without some petty infrastructure vandalism? And poor Moldova, having Russian missiles drop in for a surprise visit, just learned that when two pricks have a pissing contest, the whole neighborhood gets wet. The whole fucking thing is a testament to how two leaders can simultaneously be the toughest guy in the room and the biggest asshole on the planet. They're not fighting for victory; they're competing for who can be the bigger cunt. So far, it's a tie. Fuck them both. Fuck their oil. Fuck their bridges. And fuck anyone who thinks this is strategy and not just two rich pricks setting the world on fire because they can't share the sandbox. The only 'doctrine' here is from the School of Being an Absolute Prick, and both of these clowns are tenured professors. Winter is coming, and the only thing getting heated is the planet, one refinery and one bridge at a time. What a pair of bastards. It's enough to make you wish they'd both just piss on a spark plug and get it over with.
