The facts
A whistleblower complaint alleges that former President Donald Trump ordered the FBI to investigate protesters in Los Angeles who were demonstrating against his immigration crackdown. The complaint was filed by Jill Fields, a former supervisory intelligence analyst in the FBI’s Los Angeles field office. Fields claims that Emil Bove, then acting deputy attorney general, instructed the head of the field office to open an investigation into protesters’ activities outside federal buildings, even though Fields believed the demonstrations were protected free speech. Fields also alleges that Trump, after viewing a TikTok video of protesters, instructed an FBI official to investigate those demonstrating in the video because the president was angry about the incident. Despite Fields’ team determining the protesters’ actions were constitutionally protected, she was told the president wanted the investigation. Fields resigned from the FBI last year, believing her diminished role was a result of objecting to these protest-related investigations. The White House has denied the allegations, calling them ‘false’ and stating that the ‘first amendment does not protect violent rioting.’ US Senator Alex Padilla stated that using the FBI to target Americans for exercising their First Amendment rights undermines foundational values and has requested answers from the Justice Department.
Our take
Let’s get the timeline straight, because it’s fucking critical: a grown man, the President of the United States, was watching TikTok. He saw a video of people protesting him. His tiny, mushroom-dick ego got bruised. So he picked up the phone and told the FBI to go fuck up those people’s lives. This isn’t a policy dispute. This is the tantrum of a spoiled, fat bastard who saw a mean comment and decided to deploy the nation’s top law enforcement agency as his personal ‘find and fuck’ service. The alleged chain of command is a masterpiece of cowardice: Trump bitches to an FBI official, who tells some dickhead acting deputy attorney general Emil Bove, who tells the LA field office boss, who presumably tells some poor agent who has to waste their time investigating constitutionally protected speech because the boss man’s feelings are hurt. Jill Fields, the analyst who actually did her job and said ‘hey, this is legal protest,’ got her role diminished and quit. Of course she did. Why would you stay in an FBI that’s been reduced to a concierge service for a TikTok-scrolling cunt’s vindictive whims? The White House denial is the cherry on this shit sundae. They claim the First Amendment doesn’t protect ‘violent rioting.’ Cool story, assholes. The complaint alleges an investigation into protesters, not rioters. They’re gaslighting with a hypothetical crime that wasn’t even alleged, because the actual allegation - that Trump is a petty, fragile fuck who uses the government to settle scores - is too pathetic to even deny directly. Senator Padilla is asking for answers, which will be a river of bullshit. The foundational value being undermined here is that the President shouldn’t be a vengeful, social-media-addled manbaby who treats the FBI like his own private Stasi for when the For You Page gets a little too spicy. The specific joke is that the most powerful weapon in his arsenal wasn’t a drone or an executive order; it was his fucking thumb, scrolling, and his even more fragile fucking pride. What a pathetic, small-dick way to run a country. He’s a security risk with a TikTok account. An absolute cunt with a badge. Fuck him and every sycophant who passed the order along because they were too scared of his tweet-thumbs to say no.
