The facts
Spending for the current midterm elections is accelerating, making it the most expensive election cycle in American history, surpassing even presidential elections, according to PBS News correspondent Lisa Desjardins. A notable shift this year is the increased activity of megadonors, with billionaires like those behind Andreessen Horowitz spending approximately $115 million, hedge fund investor Jeff Yass spending around $94 million, and Elon Musk donating mainly to national Republican campaign funds. On the Democratic side, George Soros and his family have donated about $104 million to Democratic super PACs. Danielle Thomsen of U.C. Irvine noted that while campaign contributions may not directly buy lawmaker votes, they can facilitate access. AdImpact figures show Republicans have reserved $641 million for ads compared to Democrats' $490 million, a 31 percent difference. Spending is also shifting towards streaming and web platforms, with Republicans believing this is where their low-propensity voters are. Top states for ad spending include Texas, Ohio, and Maine for Republicans, and Michigan and Georgia for Democrats.
Our take
Holy fucking shit, the American political system has finally achieved its ultimate, rancid form: a multi-billion-dollar, record-breakingly expensive midterm election. Not a presidential election, mind you, where you might expect the full financial orgy. No, this is the off-year, the midterm, and it's now the most expensive election cycle in the nation's history. Let that sink in, you pathetic, gullible cunts. We have collectively decided that deciding which party controls a Congress that hasn't passed a useful law in a decade is worth more cash than picking the actual president. That's like spending more on the pre-show buffet than the entire fucking wedding. The scale of this self-important vanity project is staggering. Republicans have reserved a cool 641 million dollars for ads, while Democrats are scraping by with a mere 490 million. A 31 percent gap, which in the real world could fund about a million teachers or fix every pothole in the country, but in this clown world is just the price of entry for the next round of 'who gets to ignore you while we cut taxes for our donors.' And who are these donors? Oh, just a parade of dickheads so rich they've lost all connection to reality. On one side, you've got the tech-bro fuckwits from Andreessen Horowitz tossing in 115 million like it's a tip at a strip club. You've got hedge fund ghoul Jeff Yass, a man whose entire personality is a spreadsheet, dropping 94 million. And then there's Elon Musk, the world's richest man-child, who apparently looked at his pile of money and thought, 'You know what this needs? More Republicans.' He's mainly funding national GOP funds, probably because he's mad he can't personally fire any more regulators. On the other side, the 'progressive' megadonor crown is still held by George Soros and his family, who've shoveled 104 million into Democratic super PACs. It's a beautiful, symmetrical hellscape: two teams of billionaires, furiously writing checks to two different sets of politicians, all of whom will reliably ensure that billionaires keep getting richer. The real kicker, the absolute piss-take of it all, is the expert analysis. Danielle Thomsen from U.C. Irvine notes, with the dry understatement of an archaeologist describing a mass grave, that this money might not directly buy votes, but it sure as shit buys access. No fucking kidding. It buys the right to whisper in a senator's ear while you're both taking a piss at a 50,000-dollar-a-plate fundraiser. It buys a direct line to the legislative dickhead who will then spend six months crafting a tax loophole with your name on it. This isn't politics; it's a protection racket with better catering. And where is all this money going? To ads, you stupid bastards. But not just any ads. The report notes that spending is shifting to streaming and web platforms because Republicans believe that's where their 'low-propensity voters' are. Let's translate that from consultant-bullshit: they think their voters are the lazy fucks who can't be bothered to turn on a TV but might watch a political ad between episodes of some true-crime documentary. They're targeting people based on their apathy. The top states for this financial diarrhea include Texas, Ohio, and Maine for the GOP, and Michigan and Georgia for the Democrats. Each one a battleground, which is just a polite word for a toilet where we flush billions of dollars every two years. So congratulations, America. You've built a system where the only growth industry is political advertising, the only qualification for influence is a ten-figure bank account, and the only guaranteed outcome is that every single one of these rich, smug cunts gets exactly what they paid for: your undivided attention and your perpetual irrelevance.
