The facts
The U.S. Supreme Court on Monday denied former Pennsylvania Judge Mark Cohen’s petition for a First Amendment appeal. Cohen, a former Democratic state lawmaker who joined the Philadelphia Court of Common Pleas in 2018, was suspended after posting dozens of partisan messages on Facebook, including praise for President Joe Biden, support for the Build Back Better bill, advocacy for higher minimum‑wage laws, and opposition to elective‑abortion restrictions. The Pennsylvania Judicial Conduct Board said his activity amounted to “partisan cheerleading,” and the state’s highest court found his tone made him appear as a Democratic Party advocate. Cohen’s lawyers argued the suspension infringed his free‑speech rights, but the Supreme Court declined to take the case, issuing no comment. The petition noted that the suspension would also trigger forfeiture of his judicial and prior public‑service pensions.
Our take
Holy shit, the Supreme Court just watched this arrogant fuckwit flush his entire career down the toilet and decided not to even throw him a plunger. Mark Cohen, the former judge and full-time Facebook fluffer for the Democratic Party, thought his right to free speech meant he could post like a coked-up campaign intern while wearing a goddamn robe. It didn't. His feed was a pathetic, unending stream of partisan drool - sloppy praise for Biden, cheerleading for Build Back Better, and all the other boring, boilerplate political takes that make you a shitty activist, not an impartial judge. The state's Judicial Conduct Board nailed it: this wasn't discourse, it was 'partisan cheerleading.' He wasn't engaging in robust debate; he was waving digital pom-poms like a desperate fucking mascot.
His lawyers had the gall to whine that this suspension infringed his First Amendment rights, which is like a surgeon complaining he can't post bloody organ removal videos on TikTok during a gallbladder operation. The bench demands a semblance of impartiality, you absolute prick. The Supreme Court's response - a silent, one-line denial - is the legal equivalent of a stadium full of people turning their backs and walking out. They didn't need to write a fucking opinion. The message was clear: your case is so stupid we won't even waste the ink to tell you to go fuck yourself.
And the beautiful, poetic justice here is in the verified, petty details. This suspension doesn't just mean he's out of a job; it triggers the forfeiture of his judicial and prior public-service pensions. Let that sink in. This vain, tone-deaf asshole traded a lifetime of secure retirement income for the fleeting, worthless thrill of posting 'Go Joe!' and getting a few likes from other political junkies. He cashed in his entire financial future for the digital equivalent of a whoopee cushion. He didn't just lose his gavel; he pissed away his golden years because he couldn't resist the pathetic, masturbatory high of being a Facebook 'thought leader.' What a monumental, self-important cunt.
This should be a fucking cautionary tale etched above every courtroom door. The job is to judge, not to jerk off your own political biases in public for clout. When you confuse the bench for your personal blog's comment section, you get exactly what you deserve: a kicked-off platform, an empty wallet, and a deafening silence from the highest court in the land. No notes, no appeal, no pension. Just the hollow echo of your own dumbfuckery. Now go update your 'Open to Work' status, you clown.
