The facts
The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) announced a settlement with Southern Glazer's Wine and Spirits LLC, the largest distributor of wine and spirits in the United States. This agreement addresses allegations that Southern Glazer's engaged in illegal price discrimination, violating the Robinson-Patman Act. The FTC's lawsuit, filed in 2024, claimed that Southern Glazer's provided discounts and rebates to large chain retailers, such as Total Wine, Walmart, and Kroger, that were not available to smaller, independent businesses. This practice allegedly made it difficult for these smaller businesses to compete, even when located in close proximity to larger competitors. The proposed stipulated order, filed with the U.S. District Court for the Central District of California, aims to prevent Southern Glazer's from charging higher prices to independent retailers than to competing large chains for identical products. The settlement covers sales to the five largest chain retailers across 26 states. If Southern Glazer's violates the terms of the order, an independent monitor will oversee compliance, and harmed small businesses may receive direct cash payments. Daniel Guarnera, Director of the FTC’s Bureau of Competition, stated that the settlement is a significant milestone in enforcing the Robinson-Patman Act to support small businesses. The order will remain in effect for six years. The FTC's vote to issue the proposed order was 2-0.
Our take
Well, fuck me sideways. The Federal Trade Commission has finally managed to catch the single largest distributor of booze in America red-handed, pants-down, fucking over every mom-and-pop liquor store from coast to coast. Their crime? Being a greedy, predatory cunt. Specifically, the FTC says Southern Glazer's was giving secret discounts to corporate whale-fucks like Walmart and Total Wine while charging the little guy next door full price for the exact same bottle of piss-water vodka. They didn't just violate the Robinson-Patman Act; they used it as toilet paper for years until the FTC, in its infinite bureaucratic sluggishness, got around to filing a lawsuit in 2024. What a stunning victory for justice.
Now, after all that time, we have a settlement. A 'significant milestone,' according to some FTC suit named Daniel Guarnera. A milestone in what? In demonstrating that if you're a multi-billion dollar monopoly, you can break the law for decades and the consequence is a promise to maybe stop. The proposed order says Southern Glazer's can't charge small shops more than the big chains for the same product. Wow. Groundbreaking. They've agreed to follow a law written in 1936. Give these visionary bastards a medal.
Let's look at the enforcement, because that's where the comedy gold is. If Southern Glazer's violates this order - and why the fuck wouldn't they? - an 'independent monitor' will be appointed. An independent monitor! Not a SWAT team, not a padlock on the warehouse, not a single executive in handcuffs. A monitor. Probably some consultant who will bill $500 an hour to write reports that Southern Glazer's will immediately use to line the bottom of a birdcage. This is the terrifying sword of Damocles hanging over a company that built its empire on being an asshole. They must be shitting their expensive suits.
The settlement covers sales to the five largest chains in 26 states. So, for half the country, for a handful of customers, for six years, this dickhead distributor has to pretend to play fair. What about the other 24 states? What about the other thousands of chains? What about after the six-year timeout is over? The deal is so specifically carved out it's like using a squirt gun to put out a warehouse fire they started with gasoline and malice.
And the pièce de résistance: harmed small businesses *may* get direct cash payments. May. If the company gets caught again. So the punishment for getting caught the first time is a promise that if you get caught a second time, you might have to give some money back. That's not a deterrent; that's a fucking business plan. Steal $100, get caught, promise not to do it again, then steal $200 next time and maybe pay back fifty if there's a monitor watching. These cunts aren't being regulated; they're being given a recipe for more profitable crime.
The FTC voted 2-0 for this limp-wristed, piss-weak, do-nothing joke of an order. Unanimous approval for a response so anemic it could be killed by a stiff breeze. They looked at years of systematic, nationwide bullying designed to crush small businesses and said, 'Let's give them a note for their file.' This isn't enforcement; it's a collaboration. The only thing this settlement guarantees is that Southern Glazer's lawyers are already drafting the next loophole, laughing all the way to the bank that their clients just got away with it. Again.
