The facts
Republican US Senator Roger Marshall announced he has paid a six-year-old debt to a Kansas bakery for treats ordered for a 2020 election watch party. Marshall stated on social media that he had "absolutely no idea how this happened" and that upon learning of the unpaid $678.75 invoice from Holly's Sweet Treats, he immediately contacted the business and repaid the bill, doubling the amount to $1,300. The debt was publicly revealed by Holly Thomas, the owner of Holly's Sweet Treats, who posted on Facebook that she made repeated attempts to collect the payment for nearly a year after the 2020 primary election watch party. Thomas described the difficulty of the unpaid invoice during the COVID-19 pandemic, emphasizing the importance of every dollar for her small business. She stated that the experience led her to decide she would never vote for Marshall. Marshall's payment and explanation came after Thomas's post gained viral attention. Some commenters noted that doubling the invoice resulted in $1,357.50, not $1,300, and others calculated that with interest, Marshall might owe more. The incident occurred as Marshall faces a challenging re-election campaign, with his race against Democratic challenger Adam Hamilton recently reclassified as a toss-up.
Our take
Well, well, well. It appears Republican Senator Roger “Fiscal Responsibility” Marshall has the same grasp on his own checkbook as he does on basic fucking arithmetic. This pompous prick only coughed up six-year-old bakery money after the owner, Holly Thomas, dragged his deadbeat ass on Facebook for all to see. His excuse? He had “absolutely no idea how this happened.” Bullshit. You ordered the goddamn cookies, you tight-fisted clown. The invoice was for your own election watch party. Did you think the petit fours were a patriotic donation from the Sprinkle Fairy? You fucking knew. You just hoped the little lady would shut up and go away. She didn’t, because small businesses run by people with actual spines tend to notice when a United States Senator steals $678.75 from them during a pandemic. Marshall’s belated “generosity” of paying double is its own special kind of insult. First, his math is as shitty as his ethics - $678 doubled is $1,357.50, not the rounded-down “$1,300” he so grandly announced. Second, offering a crumb of extra cash after years of stiffing her is the act of a coward who got caught, not a statesman making amends. This grifter’s sudden concern for a Kansas bakery coincided precisely with his re-election race being downgraded to a toss-up. He didn’t find his conscience; he found a polling memo. Holly Thomas said the experience ensured she’d never vote for him. Here’s hoping every other small business owner in Kansas sees this cunt for what he is: a man who will happily eat your cake and then pretend the bill got lost in the mail for half a decade until public shaming forces him to pick up the tab. What a pathetic, cheap bastard. Pay your fucking bills on time, Senator. The interest you owe is on your dignity, and it’s long since bankrupt.
