The facts
Fox News chief congressional correspondent Chad Pergram reported that Senate Republicans forced a vote on the Ratepayer Protection Act, a bill intended to curb utility costs tied to data‑center construction. Republican Sen. Josh Hawley (R‑Mo.) argued the bill should guarantee that electricity bills not rise because of data centers, warning that AI firms could “strip‑mine” land and raise rates. Democrats blasted the proposal as ineffective. Sen. Richard Blumenthal (D‑Conn.) called it a “sham” with no enforcement, and Sen. Tim Kaine (D‑Va.) said the bill required nothing beyond what state regulators already can do. Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer (D‑N.Y.) labeled it a “toothless messaging bill.” Democrats suggested the vote was a political maneuver to help Republican Sen. Jon Husted (R‑Ohio) in his competitive midterm race. Sen. Ben Ray Luján (D‑N.M.) noted Husted’s comment that the bill would be used in a campaign, and Sen. Peter Welch (D‑Vt.) switched from supporting the measure to voting against it, citing the lack of amendments and weak enforcement provisions.
Our take
Well, fuck me sideways with a rubber gavel. The United States Senate, in its infinite wisdom, has decided that the best use of its time in the final week before an election is to vote on a bill that does absolutely nothing. Not a goddamn thing. The Ratepayer Protection Act is such a pathetic, limp-dick piece of legislative performance art that even the Democrats, who can usually be counted on to hem and haw, couldn't help but call it a 'sham' and a 'toothless messaging bill.' That's not our opinion, you prick. That's what Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer called it on the floor. This bill, which is supposed to stop your electric bill from going up because of data centers, doesn't actually stop your electric bill from going up because of data centers. It just says, in the most bureaucratic, non-binding way possible, 'Hey, maybe don't do that?' It's like passing a law against gravity that only applies to politicians' campaign promises.
The whole charade was a transparent political handjob for Republican Senator Jon Husted of Ohio, who is in a tight race and needed something, anything, to put in a fucking campaign ad. Senator Ben Ray Luján pointed out that Husted himself said the bill would be used in a campaign. So, let's get this straight: they used the Senate floor, taxpayer time, and the pretense of governing to film a commercial. Josh Hawley, that perpetual moral panic machine, tried to dress it up with his usual bullshit about AI companies 'strip-mining' the land, which is just a fancy way of saying 'I need a scary soundbite because my actual policy ideas are thinner than the paper this bill is printed on.'
The best part? Senator Peter Welch, who had supported this turd in committee, took one look at the final, un-amendable, enforcement-free version and voted against it. Even he couldn't stomach the sheer, unadulterated cynicism of it. So what we have here is a bill that everyone admits is useless, pushed for a reason everyone admits is political, at a time everyone knows is calculated. It's not legislation; it's a campaign prop masquerading as law. The Senate has officially become a place where grown adults vote on empty gestures to help their friends get re-elected, and then have the balls to call it 'protecting ratepayers.' It's a fucking disgrace, and every single senator who voted for this knowing it was a sham is a cowardly, self-serving asshole who deserves to have their electricity cut off until they do something that isn't a complete waste of everyone's time and money.
