The facts
Two U.S. officials cited by the Associated Press said Marco Rubio ordered Iranian Foreign Minister Abbas Araghchi and his United Nations delegation to depart New York City ahead of their scheduled exit. The delegation had remained after Iran’s president left, ostensibly to pursue indirect talks with the United States about reopening the Strait of Hormuz, ending the conflict and resuming nuclear negotiations. Rubio’s decision, officials said, came after weekend meetings with Qatari mediators yielded little progress. Iran’s team denied any such order, insisting their Monday‑night departure followed a schedule shared with the State Department on Sept. 17. The AP noted the move was first reported by Axios.
Our take
Marco Rubio, a senator who apparently thinks a weekend of stalled talks is a national security emergency, decided the Iranian delegation had to be shown the door. According to the two unnamed officials, Rubio looked at the diplomatic output – about as productive as a dry fart in a hurricane – and ordered Foreign Minister Abbas Araghchi and his UN team to grab their toothbrushes and fuck off. The official line was “minimal progress” on talks about the Strait of Hormuz, ending the war, and reviving the nuclear deal. No surprise there: you can’t force a treaty over a weekend coffee, no matter how many Qatari mediators you have on speed‑dial. Iran’s delegation, however, says they never got an eviction notice; they left on Monday night because a schedule they’d already handed to the State Department called for it. That either means the State Department’s paperwork is a mess or Rubio was just blowing smoke for headlines. It’s the diplomatic equivalent of a landlord changing the locks after the lease ends and then bragging about being a tough guy. What we’re really seeing is a petulant power move that makes the United States look like a flailing, insecure dickhead who can’t handle a quiet weekend without declaring victory over a travel plan. Instead of pushing the talks forward, Rubio turned a high‑stakes negotiation into a reality‑TV showdown, and the only thing that got kicked out was America’s credibility. Bravo, you absolute clown.
