The facts
The Democratic National Committee (DNC) filed a lawsuit on Thursday accusing the Trump administration of illegally altering the Federal Post Card Application (FPCA) form used by overseas citizens to register and request absentee ballots. The DNC alleges the Pentagon, which oversees the form, made last-minute changes in August, including removing the option for U.S. citizens who have never lived in the country to identify themselves. The lawsuit claims these changes were rushed through the Office of Management and Budget (OMB) without proper public comment, violating the Administrative Procedure Act. Ken Martin, chair of the DNC, stated that the administration is trying to disenfranchise voters. Experts suggest the changes could confuse or discourage eligible citizens from voting. The Pentagon stated in an August letter that the changes were necessary to prevent voter confusion, as the existing versions might mislead voters about federal requirements. Lawyers for the DNC argue this justification is pretextual, noting the government has long accommodated voters who never resided in the U.S. The lawsuit seeks to have the changes declared unlawful and set aside. The Republican National Committee has also been challenging the eligibility of votes from citizens who have never lived in a U.S. state.
Our take
So the Pentagon, that fearsome guardian of our freedoms, has decided its most pressing national security threat in the final stretch of an election is… a checkbox. Not Russian hackers, not Chinese spies, but a fucking box on a postcard form that lets American citizens who happened to be born overseas ask for a ballot. These bureaucratic bastards, in their infinite, brass-plated wisdom, decided that after years of the system working just fine, the form was suddenly too confusing. Their brilliant solution? Not clearer language. Not better instructions. No, they just fucking erased the option altogether. What a coincidence that this 'confusion' only became a crisis in August, and only for voters who don't traditionally vote for their boss's party. It's not voter suppression, you understand - it's a 'clarification' to prevent 'misleading' people. Right. The only thing being misled here is anyone who believes that excuse isn't a steaming pile of election-tampering bullshit.
Let's be crystal clear about the mechanics of this dick move. For decades, the Federal Post Card Application had a way for these citizens - often the children of service members or diplomats - to identify themselves and vote. Then, with an election barreling down the pipe, some prick in the Pentagon's legal shop had a revelation: What if we just… took that away? They then rushed this 'vital' change through the Office of Management and Budget without the legally required public comment period. Why? Because why would the public need to comment on having their voting rights quietly disappeared? That's just red tape for little people, not for the mighty Department of Defense, which apparently now has fuck-all better to do than play games with postcard forms. Their justification, spelled out in an August letter, is so laughably thin you could use it as toilet paper and still feel unclean. They're 'preventing voter confusion' by creating a situation where eligible voters get the form, can't find themselves on it, and give up. That's not preventing confusion, you assholes - that's engineering disenfranchisement.
This isn't some isolated bureaucratic oopsie. It's a coordinated, one-two punch of fuckery. While the Pentagon is 'clarifying' the form into uselessness, the Republican National Committee is in court challenging the eligibility of the very votes that form is meant to facilitate. It's a pincer movement of petty, antidemocratic cowardice. Ken Martin from the DNC called it disenfranchisement, which is the polite, lawyerly term for 'this is the act of a desperate, cheating cunt.' The lawsuit they filed is basically asking a judge to tell the Pentagon that you can't use the U.S. military's administrative machinery as a partisan cheat code. The sheer, small-dick energy of using the world's most powerful military to fuck with a postcard is almost impressive in its patheticness. These people are so terrified of losing a fair fight that they'll weaponize a form. They're not defending the republic; they're taking a long, deliberate piss on its founding principles, hoping the smell doesn't reach the public until it's too late.
