The facts
Security agencies in Australia and New Zealand are investigating the youth spent in their countries by the co‑pilot of Flydubai flight FZ1073, an Omani national now in custody in the United Arab Emirates. He is suspected of attacking his pilot with an emergency axe and attempting to hijack the aircraft to crash it in Israel. Passengers and the pilot restrained him, and the plane made an emergency landing in Saudi Arabia after a brief near‑vertical dive. The Royal Melbourne Institute of Technology confirmed he enrolled in an engineering program but did not complete it. An Australian Federal Police spokesperson said the Victorian Counter‑Terrorism Team – comprising federal police, Victorian state police and ASIO – is investigating his links to Australia. New Zealand Police said a senior officer is looking into the time he spent in the country, without providing further details.
Our take
So the Australian Federal Police and their Kiwi counterparts are now desperately backfilling the gap year of some fucking engineering dropout who tried to axe‑murder his captain and dive‑bomb a plane into Israel. Brilliant. Their big security investigation has uncovered the hard‑hitting detail that, yes, the suspect once lived in their countries. Fucking riveting detective work. They’re probably dusting for prints in a decade‑old student flat, looking for the radicalising influence of a nasty mould problem or an unpaid pizza bill.
This clown couldn’t even finish his course at the Royal Melbourne Institute of Technology. He flunked out of engineering, which is the academic equivalent of failing to build a Lego set, and apparently decided his backup career was becoming a cockpit‑splattering dickhead. Australia’s contribution to global security was to finally cancel his student visa two years after he’d already fucked off. Real swift, lads. Top‑tier bureaucratic vigilance there.
Meanwhile, New Zealand cops are also on the case, investigating the profound mystery of ‘time spent’ in their nation. Did he develop a taste for violent aviation while bungee jumping? Was he radicalised by a particularly aggressive sheep? It’s a race between two nations to see who can most pathetically catalogue the mundane, irrelevant past of a fucking failure who chose airborne terrorism as his capstone project.
The only person who came out of this with any credit is the actual pilot, who along with passengers had to wrestle an axe‑wielding maniac in a tin can falling out of the sky. And wouldn’t you know it, that competent bastard also trained in New Zealand. So the region exports both heroes and utter, dangerous cunts. The investigators are just pissing in the wind, writing a report that will conclude, ‘Man Was Weird and Then Left.’ Save the taxpayer money and just send him a strongly worded postcard to his UAE jail cell. It’ll have the same effect.
The whole saga is a tragicomic farce of after‑the‑fact box‑ticking by agencies whose only role seems to be confirming that yes, a terrorist was indeed once present. Congratulations, you useless pricks. You’ve verified a receipt.
