The facts
One Nation’s Victorian deputy leader, Colleen Harkin, announced a $2,000 subsidy for parents who use private maternity care and the removal of out‑of‑pocket costs for public maternity services in Victoria. Harkin said the scheme would cost about $136 million over four years but described the figure as a “ballpark” estimate because the party lacks detailed data on births. She reiterated that the state branch would not change Victoria’s abortion laws, despite the federal party’s national platform calling for a rollback of abortion restrictions. Women’s Health Victoria called the announcement a “false trade‑off,” saying it attempts to frame maternity care and abortion as mutually exclusive choices.
Our take
Well, look who just shat out a policy. One Nation’s Victorian deputy, Colleen Harkin, has apparently discovered that babies come from people with uteruses, and her big‑brain solution is to throw a wad of cash vaguely in their direction. Her masterstroke? A $2,000 subsidy for private maternity care, a figure she plucked from the ether with all the precision of a drunkard playing darts. She admits her own $136 million price tag is a guess because the party, shockingly, lacks “detailed data.” No shit. Their policy database is probably a napkin with “BLAME THEM” written on it in crayon. This isn’t a costed plan; it’s a fucking guess wrapped in a press release, served a day after the major parties said they’d cover abortion costs. The timing isn’t just cynical; it’s a transparent, reeking pile of opportunistic bullshit. Harkin then has the gall to claim her state branch won’t touch Victoria’s abortion laws, even though the federal platform calls for a rollback of those laws. It’s like a pirate promising not to steal your ship while his mates are sharpening cutlasses behind him. She calls Labor’s accurate pointing‑out of this “cheap American‑style scaremongering.” Right. The real scaremongering is offering a paltry cash‑for‑babies scheme that women’s health experts instantly called a “false trade‑off,” a pathetic attempt to frame reproductive healthcare as some kind of fucking supermarket loyalty program. This isn’t policy. It’s propaganda with a price tag attached, dreamed up by grifters who think a two‑grand bribe makes them look less like the absolute cunts they are. The only thing more insulting than the proposal is the fucking arithmetic they used to justify it. Piss off, you clowns. Take your voucher and shove it. Your agenda is showing, and it’s covered in cheap, sticky fingerprints. This is a political hand‑job, and everyone can see the sad, lonely effort behind it. Fuck your subsidy and the horse you rode in on. The experts have already called it: this is straight from the international anti‑rights playbook. They’re not even being subtle, just stupid. A pathetic, transparent dick‑swing from a party that wouldn’t know good governance if it bit them on their useless, pandering asses.
