The facts
Major League Baseball (MLB) reportedly contacted the White House about the possibility of holding a one-day game in Grand Teton National Park in Wyoming. The Washington Post first reported the outreach on September 26. This proposal has sparked backlash from locals and conservationists. Teton County, located in the Jackson Hole valley, is described as a year-round resort community and is a habitat for grizzly bears, osprey, and bison. Concerns have been raised about the environmental impact of erecting a field and spectator infrastructure on the park's natural landscape and wildlife. Luther Propst, a Teton County commissioner, called the idea "incomprehensible and deeply unwelcome," stating that national parks are intended for preservation and wildlife habitat, not corporate sporting events. The National Wildlife Federation echoed these sentiments, posting on Facebook that national parks should remain wild and are not suitable venues for such events. A White House spokesperson confirmed they were approached by MLB but stated that the National Park Service has not granted any permits and the game is not a White House directive. Neither MLB nor the National Park Service immediately responded to requests for comment from The Guardian.
Our take
Here’s a fresh idea from the brain trust at Major League Baseball: why not just pave over a fucking national park? Apparently, some marketing dickhead at the league got a boner for 'natural branding' and decided the next logical step after playing a game in a cornfield was to ask the White House for permission to build a pop-up stadium in Grand Teton. This isn't a field of dreams; it's a field of utter, planet-sized cuntery. They looked at a habitat for grizzly bears, bison, and osprey and saw a potential outfield. The sheer, galaxy-brained stupidity of wanting to truck in thousands of drunk fans and a broadcast booth next to a fucking grizzly’s den is the kind of idea only a corporate grifter swimming in money and divorced from all reality could produce.
Unsurprisingly, the people who actually live there and give a shit about the place told MLB to go fuck itself with a splintered bat. Teton County Commissioner Luther Propst called the idea 'incomprehensible and deeply unwelcome,' which is political speak for 'you are a complete and total asshole.' The National Wildlife Federation posted on Facebook that parks should stay wild, a sentiment so blindingly obvious it shouldn't need stating, but here we are, because MLB executives apparently think 'wild' is just a backdrop for their next Instagram campaign. The White House, in a masterclass of passing the buck, confirmed the league approached them but quickly pissed out a statement saying it wasn't their idea and no permits exist, which is the bureaucratic equivalent of 'we don't know this clown.'
Let's unpack the logistics of this bullshit for a second. To make this vanity project happen, they’d have to erect a field, stands, concession stands, and shitloads of infrastructure in a fragile ecosystem. They’d be literally laying concrete and plastic over dirt where animals live, so a bunch of millionaires in tight pants could play a meaningless exhibition game. The environmental impact would be a disaster, but these pricks don't care because their only metric is 'brand engagement.' They want the photo op of a home run with a mountain behind it, consequences be damned. It’s the most pathetic, tone-deaf attempt at 'connecting with nature' imaginable, conceived by people whose idea of the outdoors is the walk from their limo to the stadium club.
The fact that neither MLB nor the National Park Service could be arsed to comment says everything. They got caught with their hands in the cookie jar of public lands and are now hiding like cowards. This proposal is a monument to hubris, a perfect testament to an industry that views the entire planet as a potential revenue stream. They should take their incomprehensible plan, roll it into a cylinder, and use it to sodomize the next executive who suggests 'disrupting' a protected wilderness. Fuck these clowns and the plastic grass they rode in on.
