The facts
Anthony Constantino, the CEO of New York-based sticker company Sticker Mule, is running for Congress in New York's 21st district, aiming to succeed Republican Elise Stefanik. Constantino, 43, has garnered attention for his strong support of Donald Trump, which led him to record a rap album titled "Thank You President Trump" and suggest extending Mount Rushmore to include Trump's face. He also began a brief professional boxing career at age 40. While Trump won the district by 21 points in 2024, Constantino's lead in recent polls has fallen to single digits, and the Cook Partisan Voting Index has shifted the race from solid Republican to likely Republican. The Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee has also added the district to its Red to Blue program. Constantino has self-funded his campaign with $16 million. His opponent, Democrat Blake Gendebien, a dairy farmer, has criticized Constantino's views on unions and his wealth, stating that lowering costs and inflation are the primary concerns for district residents. Constantino has stated he is not a fan of unionization, viewing unions as a barrier between management and workers. Sticker Mule, Constantino's company, has seen a reduction in full-time employees at its Amsterdam, New York facility, which Constantino attributed to automation and robots, while also claiming sales are rebounding and wages are increasing.
Our take
Well, look at this absolute prick. Anthony Constantino, a man whose entire personality is based on owning a company that makes fucking stickers, has decided the next logical step is to buy himself a seat in Congress. He’s dumped sixteen million of his own dollars into the race, which is the political equivalent of a toddler throwing a tantrum in a toy store and just buying the whole aisle because he can’t win the game fairly. What a pathetic grifter.
This clown’s main qualifications are a cringe-inducing rap album sucking up to Donald Trump and a brief, late-life foray into boxing, presumably to prepare for the brutal intellectual combat of asking a lobbyist for more money. He’s so creatively bankrupt he suggested adding Trump’s face to Mount Rushmore, an idea so profoundly stupid it makes you wonder if his brain has been replaced by one of his company’s automated sticker-rolling robots.
And speaking of robots, this dickhead is campaigning against unions while his own sticker factory replaces humans with machines. He’s the living embodiment of a management-class wanker who thinks the barrier between him and his workers is a problem, not the fact that he’s a greedy bastard automating their jobs away. His opponent is a goddamn dairy farmer talking about inflation and costs, while Constantino’s big issue is making sure his hero gets a granite blowjob next to Lincoln.
Even in a district Trump won by a landslide, this rich fuck’s lead is crumbling into single digits. Voters might be morons, but even they can smell the desperate vanity of a mediocre CEO who thinks public office is just another vanity project, like rap or getting punched in the face for fun. He’s a walking, talking sticker: a shallow, adhesive image you peel off and forget, leaving behind a sticky, annoying residue. What an asshole.
He’s not a public servant; he’s a prick with a checkbook and a sycophant’s playlist, and watching his poll numbers shrink is the only satisfying political development this year. Fuck this guy and the sticker sheet he rode in on. Maybe he can use his fortune to buy a personality instead.
