The facts
DTE Energy, a major utility provider in Michigan, has proposed building two new natural gas plants, estimated to cost utility customers $6.4 billion. The proposal aims to meet the increasing energy demands of data centers in the state. DTE Energy has already secured contracts with Google and Oracle for significant electricity supply to data centers and anticipates more contracts. Critics, including former state representative Yousef Rabhi, argue that this plan unfairly burdens residential customers, who may end up subsidizing the energy costs for large technology companies. Rabhi stated, "People who are struggling to feed their kids, to put diapers on their babies, to keep the lights on – those people are going to be subsidizing the wealthiest people on the planet to help them make more money, and that is insanity." Helen Li, an attorney with Earthjustice, expressed concern that the plan is unclear about who will bear the costs and that ordinary ratepayers might end up paying for the new energy-intensive data centers. The proposal also raises concerns about its impact on Michigan's climate transition laws, potentially allowing for continued reliance on fossil fuel plants.
Our take
Alright, you greedy fucks at DTE Energy, let's get this straight. You look at a state full of people who can't afford to keep their own fucking lights on, and your brilliant fucking idea is to make them pay six point four billion dollars for two new dick-shaped gas plants. Why? So Google and Oracle can have a nice, cheap, fossil-fueled wank for their data centers. That is not a business plan, you cunts. That's a shakedown. That's telling a single mom choosing between diapers and dinner that her power bill is going up so Sundar Pichai can save three cents on a server fart. That is insanity, and it's the kind of insanity only a corporate grifter with a monopoly could dream up.
Let's talk about the sheer, breathtaking balls on these pricks. They've already got contracts with the wealthiest fucks on the planet. They're anticipating more. They're basically running a VIP lounge for tech billionaires in the basement of your crumbling house, and you're the sucker paying the cover charge. The proposal is so fucking vague about who pays that it might as well be written in crayon by a toddler who just discovered greed. Spoiler alert: it's you, asshole. You, the ratepayer, are the designated piggy bank to be smashed open whenever Larry Ellison needs a new fucking server farm.
And the cherry on this shit sundae? This bullshit directly pisses on Michigan's climate laws. While the rest of the world is trying to move the fuck on from fossil fuels, DTE's big-brain play is to double down on gas, locking the state into decades more of pollution so a few silicon valley dickheads can get richer. It's a climate crime wrapped in a consumer fraud, delivered with a smug corporate smirk. They're not building for the future; they're building a fucking monument to their own short-sighted, shareholder-cocked avarice.
So here's the deal, Michigan. You're being asked to subsidize a party you're not invited to, for companies that wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire, with money you don't have, to fuck up a planet you still have to live on. DTE Energy isn't a utility provider; it's a fucking parasite in a suit, and it's time to tell these bloodsucking bastards to go fuck themselves with a rusty power line.
