The facts
The newly formed company, Skydance, began trading on Wall Street on Tuesday following the completion of its $110 billion merger with Warner Bros. Discovery. This deal unites major entertainment assets, including movie studios and theme parks, and brings CNN and CBS News under single ownership. Skydance CEO David Ellison has appointed Ynon Kreiz, formerly of Mattel, as co-CEO. The merger faced legal challenges, including lawsuits from unions and 12 state attorneys general, which were settled after the company agreed to establish an independent editorial board to oversee both news networks. Mark Thompson will continue as CNN's editor-in-chief, and Bari Weiss will remain CBS News' editor-in-chief. Despite these appointments, concerns persist among journalists regarding potential layoffs, consolidation, and the impact of the combined company's $80 billion debt. The specifics of how CNN will operate within Skydance are still being finalized, and it remains unclear if the networks will remain separate or merge long-term. The settlement requires Skydance to form the independent editorial board within 180 days, though press freedom experts express skepticism about its effectiveness in maintaining editorial independence.
Our take
Well, fuck me sideways. The two most insufferable, self-important news bladders in American cable-news pissing history - CNN and CBS - are now officially drinking from the same golden fucking trough. The $110 billion merger is complete, and the new corporate overlord is called Skydance, which sounds less like a media company and more like a brand of artisanal dick spray for tech bros.
And who’s at the helm of this freshly christened clown-carrier? Why, it’s David Ellison, appointing a fucking toy executive, Ynon Kreiz from Mattel, as co-CEO. Perfect. Nothing says 'serious journalism' like putting the guy who used to sell Hot Wheels in charge of your news divisions. They’ll probably start reporting the Gaza conflict via Barbie Dreamhouse press conferences.
Of course, this dickhead parade of a merger got sued by everyone with a law degree and a pulse, from unions to a dozen state attorneys general. The settlement? They pinky-swore to create an 'independent editorial board' to watch over CNN and CBS. An 'independent board' appointed by the same fucks who just spent $110 billion to own them. That’s like putting Jeffrey Dahmer in charge of the community chili cook-off and calling it a 'food safety panel.' Press freedom experts are, shockingly, skeptical, because they aren’t brain-dead fucking morons.
The company is saddled with $80 billion in debt. Eighty. Billion. Dollars. That’s not a debt load; that’s a financial prolapse. The only thing they’ll be 'consolidating' faster than their newsrooms is their creditors’ patience. Journalists are rightfully shitting themselves about layoffs, because when you owe that much money, the first thing to get axed is anything resembling a spine or a budget for facts.
They haven’t even decided if the networks will stay separate or just become one giant, gelatinous blob of centrist mush. Mark Thompson and Bari Weiss get to keep their 'editor-in-chief' titles, which in this new structure means they’ll be the head clowns polishing the brass on the Titanic. The only thing 'independent' about this board they have 180 days to form will be its independent ability to gargle corporate cock. This isn’t a media merger. It’s a hostile takeover of reality by a bunch of leveraged buyout pricks who think news is just another fucking theme park to monetize.
