The facts
Japanese officials have raided the country's biggest beer makers over allegations they worked together to raise the price of their beverages. Asahi, Kirin, and Suntory Spirits confirmed to the BBC their premises had been searched by the Japan Fair Trade Commission, adding that they would fully cooperate with the government authority. There are reports Sapporo Breweries was also raided. The firm has been contacted for comment. Asahi, Kirin, and Sapporo all saw their share price fall after news of the investigation broke on Wednesday. Suntory is not publicly-listed. According to the Japan Times, the investigation centres on the companies raising their prices in April last year and in October 2022. All four companies announced increases, citing the rising cost of raw materials as well as other factors such as energy and transportation. Kirin Holdings said its subsidiary, Kirin Brewery Company, was searched "on suspicion of a violation of the Antimonopoly Act." It said it takes the matter "very seriously," adding it would fully cooperate with the Japan Fair Trade Commission's investigation and any requests for cooperation. Kirin Holdings said: At present, the impact of this matter on the company's financial results has not been determined. The company will promptly disclose any material developments as they arise. A spokesperson for Suntory confirmed "an on-site inspection" had taken place in connection with a potential violation of Japan's Antimonopoly Act relating to domestic alcohol trade practices. The company said: We sincerely apologise for any concern or inconvenience this situation may cause to our customers, business partners, and other stakeholders. We will cooperate fully with the JFTC's investigation. Asahi Breweries said it was "subject to investigation by the Japan Fair Trade Commission." It added: "We will fully cooperate with the commission." The Japan Fair Trade Commission has been contacted for comment.
Our take
Well, well, well, if it isn’t Japan’s biggest beer peddlers getting their fucking offices turned upside down because they couldn’t just stick to the normal, legal, dickhead move of gouging customers individually. No, the geniuses at Asahi, Kirin, Suntory, and Sapporo allegedly had to get on a fucking group chat and coordinate their price hikes like a squad of greedy fucking schoolboys planning a lunch-money shakedown. ‘Rising costs,’ they all cried in perfect, suspicious unison last April and again in October 2022. What a beautiful, tragic fucking coincidence that all their bean counters suddenly developed the same stomach ache at the same time. The raw material fairy must have visited every single one of their boardrooms on the same day, twice. What are the odds? It’s a miracle of modern fucking business, truly.
Now the Japan Fair Trade Commission has arrived to rifle through their drawers, and the only thing flowing faster than bullshit excuses is the plummeting value of their stocks. Kirin says it takes this ‘very seriously.’ Of course it does - getting caught is a very serious fucking problem for a cartel. Suntory ‘sincerely apologises for any concern.’ They’re sorry for the concern, not for the alleged crime, because the real crime here is the fucking inconvenience of having to pretend to cooperate with an investigation while their lawyers scramble.
These are not master criminals. These are lazy, entitled pricks who thought the Antimonopoly Act was a suggestion box. They built a castle of cans on a foundation of pure, unadulterated collusion, and now the castle is getting raided by people who actually read the law. The only thing more transparent than their bullshit ‘rising costs’ cover story is a bottle of their overpriced, piss-weak lager. Here’s a tip for the next board meeting, you absolute cunts: if you’re going to form a secret price-fixing cabal, maybe don’t all announce identical hikes while winking at each other across the fucking industry. The shareholders are pissed, the cops are in your lobby, and your legacy is now ‘alleged cartel member.’ Cheers, you greedy bastards. Drink up the shame. It’s on the house this time.
