The facts
A US Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) officer shot and wounded a man on Sunday afternoon in Austin, Texas, local authorities said. The unnamed man was in serious but stable condition at a hospital after being shot once in the torso on the city’s north side, Austin’s police chief, Lisa Davis, said at a news conference. Austin police officers were not involved in the operation or the shooting, which occurred after a traffic stop, Davis told reporters. Mayor Kirk Watson said he wants the city’s police department to be involved in the investigation to provide “clear, third-party eyes” and does not think it would be appropriate for ICE to conduct an investigation on its own. Davis said she did not yet know the nationality of the person who was shot. A dark blue Toyota Corolla was observed at the scene with damage to its passenger-side door and apparent bullet holes. A crowd of about a hundred protesters gathered, with some demonstrating against ICE. The shooting comes as ICE has increased enforcement across the country, with over 50,000 arrests per month in July and August.
Our take
In a stunning display of interagency cooperation, an ICE officer in Austin decided the best way to enforce immigration law was to conduct a fucking traffic stop and then shoot a guy in the stomach. The unnamed victim is in serious but stable condition, which in Texas medical parlance means 'still has enough blood left to sue.'
Austin Police Chief Lisa Davis was quick to clarify that her officers had fuck-all to do with this brilliant piece of urban diplomacy. They were presumably busy elsewhere, perhaps investigating a real crime or figuring out how to get the smell of brisket out of their uniforms. This was a solo ICE performance, a one-man show of force where the climax is a torso wound.
The scene was decorated with a dark blue Toyota Corolla sporting some new, asymmetrical ventilation in the passenger door. Nothing says 'probable cause' like a sedan that now resembles a colander. Mayor Kirk Watson, witnessing this shitshow, politely requested that maybe, just maybe, the city's actual police could peek at the investigation. His reasoning? He wants 'clear, third-party eyes.' This is bureaucrat-speak for 'I don't trust these federal cowboys to investigate their own fucking gunplay.'
Naturally, a crowd of about a hundred people gathered, not for a block party, but to protest the agency whose idea of community engagement is making Swiss cheese out of a Corolla. This masterclass in public relations comes as ICE proudly reports over 50,000 arrests per month. One wonders how many of those monthly stats start with 'Step 1: Roll down window. Step 2: Get shot.'
The investigation's first hurdle will be determining the nationality of the wounded man. This is crucial, as it will inform the official statement: either 'We shot a citizen' or 'We shot a non-citizen.' The level of apology, if any, depends entirely on this checkbox. For now, Austin has its newest tourist attraction: a bullet-riddled car and a lesson in what happens when you let the immigration police moonlight as traffic cops. Next week's lesson: how to turn a routine jaywalking ticket into an international incident.
