The facts
Western Australian Greens senator Jordon Steele-John released a six-page statement on Sunday, October 18, 2026, after Nine newspapers reported that seven current and former party members sought an investigation into alleged inappropriate behaviour towards women between 2017 and 2025. Steele-John stated he wants any alleged conduct investigated fairly but claimed an "unofficial faction" within the Western Australian branch leaked the complaint letter to the media to influence upcoming preselection. He specifically accused Greens leader David Shoebridge of pressuring him to take leave, asserting, "I am not on leave and did not agree to the inclusion of that line within David’s statement." Shoebridge had previously told media that Steele-John had requested and been granted leave. Steele-John indicated the complaint letter referred to three matters without detailed allegations, discussing one that involved a Western Australian police investigation into alleged sexual assault which concluded with no charges. He also addressed a disparaging nickname, "feels on wheels," which he said had taken on a new, sinister meaning related to allegations of inappropriate treatment of women.
Our take
Well, fuck. Here we have Senator Jordon Steele-John, a man whose public persona is so meticulously crafted it probably has its own compost bin, absolutely shitting the bed in six pages of typed grievance. Seven current and former Greens members want an investigation into his alleged inappropriate behaviour towards women over nearly a decade, a complaint letter gets leaked, and our hero's first move isn't to address the substance but to scream about internal factions and accuse his own party leader of being a prick. What a brave, principled stand.
Let's get this straight: David Shoebridge, the Greens leader, told the media Steele-John had asked for and been granted leave. Steele-John's response? To issue a statement screeching, 'I am not on leave and did not agree to the inclusion of that line.' So either Shoebridge is a lying bastard making shit up about his own senator's whereabouts, or Steele-John is a petulant dickhead throwing his toys out of the pram because he doesn't like the narrative. Given the six-page length of this whinge, my money's on the latter. This is the political equivalent of a toddler screaming 'I'M NOT TIRED!' while rubbing his eyes and collapsing.
The absolute cherry on this shit-cake is his performative anguish over his fucking nickname. The senator bemoans that 'feels on wheels' – already a pathetic, try-hard moniker – has taken on a 'sinister' new meaning in light of these allegations. No shit, Sherlock. When you're the subject of a multi-complainant letter about how you treat women, your cutesy activist label tends to curdle. He's less upset about the alleged behaviour and more upset that his brand is being tarnished. The vanity is breathtaking.
He mentions one matter involved a police investigation that went nowhere. Great. Fantastic. That doesn't magically erase the other complaints or explain why seven people felt the need to sign a letter. His entire statement is a masterclass in deflection: blame a shadowy 'unofficial faction,' blame the media for reporting a leak, blame the leader for telling a polite lie to get him out of the spotlight. It's everyone's fault but the bloke at the centre of it all. He wants a 'fair investigation' but has already pre-emptively shat on the process and everyone involved. This isn't the stance of a man confident in his innocence; it's the tantrum of a careerist prick who can't believe his own bullshit is finally catching up to him. What a total fucking asshole.
