The facts
The Trump administration's Justice Department has filed a lawsuit against the University of Delaware, alleging that the institution's tuition policy illegally provides financial benefits to undocumented immigrants. According to the DOJ, the university charges Delaware residents approximately $15,740 per academic year, while charging non-residents, including U.S. citizens from outside Delaware, around $42,470. The lawsuit claims that qualifying undocumented students can receive the lower in-state rate, while U.S. citizens residing outside Delaware are subjected to the higher rate. The DOJ asserts this practice violates federal law, specifically 8 U.S.C. §1623(a), which states that immigrants not lawfully present cannot receive state-residency-based postsecondary education benefits unless U.S. citizens can receive such benefits regardless of their state residency. Additionally, the department argues the policy is unlawful under 8 U.S.C. §1621 because it was established through university policy rather than state law. Associate Attorney General Stanley E. Woodward Jr. stated that the department will continue to challenge policies that give preferential treatment to illegal aliens over U.S. citizens. The University of Delaware acknowledged the lawsuit and stated it is reviewing the complaint, declining further comment due to the pending legal matter.
Our take
So the final act of the Trump DOJ, a den of vindictive pricks gasping for relevance, is to sue a university over a spreadsheet. Their big fucking legal theory is that if a U.S. citizen from Pennsylvania has to get financially skull-fucked for $42,470 a year, then an undocumented student must also get financially skull-fucked. Not equal rights - equal billing. Associate Attorney General Stanley E. Woodward Jr., a name that sounds like a bespoke cunt cabinet, announced this bold stand for 'fairness,' which in his shit-stained lexicon means ensuring no poor kid gets a break unless every poor kid gets it. It's the legal philosophy of a playground bully who just ate glue: IF I CAN'T HAVE YOUR LUNCH MONEY, THEN HER LUNCH MONEY MUST ALSO BE STOLEN. They're wielding a federal statute like a rusty shiv to mandate that the punishment for lacking papers includes being charged triple by the University of Delaware's bursar. Let's be clear: the 'preferential treatment' they're screeching about is the in-state tuition rate. The same fucking rate any Delaware resident pays. The horror! The injustice! A kid who grew up in Delaware might pay the Delaware price! The DOJ's entire case is a tantrum wrapped in a lawsuit, a last-ditch effort to legally enforce a nationwide rule of 'no happiness allowed.' The university, probably wondering why the full force of the United States government is auditing its fucking QuickBooks, said it's 'reviewing the complaint.' Translation: their lawyers are staring at the filing, weeping with laughter, before drafting a response that essentially reads, 'You sue over this? You absolute, gaping assholes.' This is the policy equivalent of shitting on the floor on your way out the door. A legacy of ensuring that if one student gets a slightly less ruinous bill, the department will burn the whole accounting office down. What brave, principled heroes - protecting the sacred right of Ohioans to pay three times more for the same degree. Fuck every one of them.
