The facts
Michael Bloomberg, the billionaire former mayor of New York City, is set to spend $80 million to support Democratic candidates in the upcoming midterm elections, according to US media reports. This infusion of cash is intended to help Democrats, who have faced fundraising challenges, in their bid to win control of Congress. The donations, made in September and October, are particularly focused on House races, with the aim of expanding a potential Democratic majority beyond the 218 seats needed for control. Bloomberg's political adviser, Howard Wolfson, stated that the size of the majority matters significantly. This follows Donald Trump's announcement of plans to spend a total of $400 million on Republican candidates, with $300 million already disbursed. Bloomberg, 84, previously spent $80 million to aid the Democratic party in the 2018 midterms. His recent contributions include $24 million to Everytown for Gun Safety and $16 million to the House Majority Pac.
Our take
Well, shit. Here we go again. Michael Bloomberg, the ancient, prune-faced oligarch who thinks democracy is a fucking vending machine, has decided that the solution to the Democratic Party’s chronic inability to connect with actual human beings is another dump truck full of cash. Eighty million dollars. That’s the sound of a man so rich he thinks throwing the GDP of a small island nation at a problem makes it go away. He did this same shit in 2018, and what did it get him? A brief moment of hope before the GOP clown car ran the whole country into a ditch. But no, the old bastard is back, squeezing another $80 million out of his mattress because his political adviser, some dickhead named Howard Wolfson, says the size of the majority matters. No shit, Sherlock. Maybe it would matter more if the candidates could string together a coherent sentence without a billionaire’s checkbook doing the talking for them.
Let’s look at this pathetic investment portfolio. Twenty-four million to Everytown for Gun Safety, a group that has accomplished precisely fuck-all in stopping the weekly American massacre. Another $16 million to the House Majority Pac, which is essentially a money-laundering operation for consultants who buy bad TV ads. He’s focusing on House races, trying to scrounge up a few extra seats beyond the 218 needed, because Bloomberg’s entire philosophy is that politics is a spreadsheet where you just need to buy the right cells. Meanwhile, Donald Trump, the other senile rich fuck in this pissing contest, is over there bragging about a $400 million war chest. So what we have is two out-of-touch cunts in a dick-measuring contest with billions, turning American elections into a fucking auction where the highest bidder gets to pretend they have a mandate.
The sheer vanity is breathtaking. This 84-year-old man is spending more money on a midterm election than most countries spend on their military, all to chase the ghost of a legacy. He wants to be remembered as the guy who saved democracy, but he’s just proving it’s for sale. He’s not funding ideas or movements; he’s funding his own ego, buying political relevance because his own charisma couldn’t win a student council race. It’s the most expensive midlife crisis in history, and the rest of us have to live in the shitty country these geriatric billionaires build with their play money. The whole thing is a farce, a circus where the clowns are billionaires and the audience is getting pissed on. So good luck, Mike. Hope you enjoy your purchased majority. Maybe this time you can buy a candidate who doesn’t lose to a QAnon lunatic.
